Visiting Hours Cancelled

Alas, my buds Sophie n' Stan could not make it from NYC to Dela-where. I think they were forced to reconsider when they realized what stood in the way: New Jersey! (Just kidding, Joisey folks!) So I have created this photo essay to illustrate for them what they will be missing:

HOORAY!

See me ROACH FOR JOY?? That's for my bud GooberStan's MAMA who is now the GOOBERMASTER (with Honors!) Congratulations for defending your the-sis yesterday! (I defend the sis from time to time even though she's bigger than me.) I hope you enjoy the weekend and if you wake up with your cheek all wet that's just the Wallysmooches I sent!

(P.S. You ALWAYS had honors at our house!)

The Chillaxympics, Opening Ceremonies!

As many of you may know, Lenny (who has an impeccable human rights record) is hosting the PAWLYMPICS over at his blog and has events EVERY DAY. That is one ambitious wire guy! Some of us, however, live with Lazy Apes. Some of us may have been worried about the mandatory drug tests (I'm not naming names but someone does have some plump lips). I have commiserated with several of my pals who suffer from a similar malady (Apeus Slackus)--Stan Man, Sophie, and Joe Stains (representing the Republic of Gooberstan, The World [cuz she rules it], and the Yankees, respectively). We have decided that we will sit in the stands, drink beers, and heckle! It's going to be a GREAT TIME. I hereby call this the Chillaxympics. Because we are both chilling and relaxing! Anyone else who would like to join us, here is what you must do to celebrate the Dog Days of Summer:

1) Get in the stands and watch the Pawlympics over at Lenny's place! Hoot! Hollar! Heckle!
2) Prepare copious amounts of snacks, get some drinks from the Corgi Lounge!
3) Chill! Relax! Enjoy life!

Here is our team, representing the Dog's Republic of Wallymelon, in the opening ceremonies which involved the ceremonial eating the Frosty Paws and Blueberries and Wallymelon:



Our opening team member, ETHEL the EATER:


She's dainty but can get down to business when she needs to!

Oscar the Obnoxious! Who ate so fast we only got one picture!


And our anchor, WALLY TAMALE!


Often underestimated due to his advanced age he can down the 'paws like no other! You other dogs don't stand a chance when it comes to the Chillaxin'!


If you are participating in the Chillaxympics you may either send me a photo to post OR post one on your blog! Show us all how you are masters of the Chillaxing!

On the Runs

I must apologize for my disheveled appearance.

And my absence from the dog-o-sphere. I have been down.


And out.
With a spot of Montezuma's revenge. Or more like three or four dozen spots, some in our yard, some in the neighbor's yard, one in the basement...you catch my drift (and may even smell it).

I am accepting applications for nurse.


I am also working on blog security. And checking the locks. I don't want any squatters moving in. To let you know how ungrateful those little jerks are. I wanted to show you this:

This is the Gooberstan Offical Fun Fest Birthday Gift Extravaganza. Stan, that ever generous dude, suggested that instead of getting HIM a toy you get a toy for a dog in need. Well, the StanMan is worthy not just of ONE gift but of a whole darn bag. So we put together a bag o' toys and took them to the SPCA. They thank you, Stan!

Calling all Pizzle Hunters!

Ever since I saw this story about what might be the world's tallest bull I've been thinking pizzle.

But to tackle this dude I need some help. Ike? GooberStan? Do you have your pizzle huntin' tools handy? Peanut, we might need reinforcements!

As you can see I will need to change out of my Flying Nun costume:

What? Can't a dude hunt flying nuns?

A Week in Presents!

So here's the deal--next Wednesday is my sissy's burpday so I've been stocking up on presents for her. I tried to take my ma ape's ECONOMIC STIMULUS TAX REFUND CHECK to the store to buy my sissy dozens of monkey sticks but apparently my paw is not an adequate substitute for my ma ape's signature--whatev.

Anyway, we've gotten a bunch of stuff in the mail-and not even for ME or my SISSY!!??? What the? Who would send my APES presents?

First, my rabbit friend Finlay's owns an ape who helps other people sell books and she sent my ma ape some books! Including this one!


My ma ape decided to try to rule the world and made Buko Cupcakes (Coconut/Lime) and Cookies & Creme Cupcakes and we agreed that these cupcakes WOULD do a better job of ruling than our current President. And also they taste better.


And then--THEN--we got a bright green package that our mail carrier puzzled over for some time because it was addressed to "The Ma Ape of Wally T. Corgador." The mail lady is quite often bemused by the assortment of mail items addressed to me but this one made her laugh out loud. And we opened it and it was from GOOBERSTAN! For my MA APE! He must be moving in on her. Well, there's plenty of her to share, buddy. Goober sent me a fish for smooching (photos to come later) and also was so thoughtful and knew that my ma ape was a vegan so he sent her TAFFY! Texas Taffy! My ma ape decided to share it with us.


And even though Stan said I *could* (not *should*) share with sissy, I did.


And I did enjoy it, StanMan. Here I am pretending to eat it with YOU, big guy:


But the piece de resistance from GooberStan was a Colbert for President T-shirt! I tried it on but I prefer shirts that allow me to show off my figure, especially my ripped abs, so I let my ma ape have it. Here she is thinking she's funny.


Thanks Finlay and GooberStan! (And also to your apes.)

Pizzle Huntin'

I had been snackless for almost a week. No pizzle. So I decided to take matters into my own paws. It was time to put on my pizzle hunting outfit (courtesy of Gooberstan) and head out.


I even recruited an accomplice:


Our initial perusal of the lawn did not yield any bull sightings so I decided to try another tactic.

First I dug a hole.


Then I hid in the hole.


Then I set the bait--my sissy grazing on grass. Surely a bull would mistake her for a grazing cattles, right?



And was our mission successful?




Mission accomplished.


I can't tell you how I did it. It did involve some big, sad eyes and a ma ape with weakness for big headed dogs.


Tastes as good as if I'd caught it myself.

For Love of St. Gooberstan!

Today is a high holy day, the day of birth of the GOOOOOBERSTAN!


That is for you, my friend, with just a taste of Ireland (a mixture of Jameson's and potato). I can't believe you rescued you ma only a YEAR ago. Frankly, I'm not entirely convinced the apes actually existed before they met us (that may be in a "really living" kind of way, maybe literal--like when kids think that if they can't see you you can't see them!)

So, Stan, I have saved an ENORMOUS smooch just for YOU! (No Stella, you can't get in on the action!)


This is my best sultry smoochy face. My ma ape says it looks a bit like I'm having a stroke but she's jus jelus that this smooch is not for her!


Ah, there you go Stan! A smooch fit for a Gooberstan, the dude who gave me my bull pizzle hunting outfit, the nickname Woober, and many smoocheroonies.


And I know that I said I was going to withhold all smooches from your ma until she was officially Master of the Universe but I am just too excited! So here's one for her, too! I'm so glad she adopted you, got you a blog, and made me your friend.


Look--sissy has a smile for Stella, the StanSis cuz you both know a good big brother is hard to find.

My Irish Eyes are Smiling!

We're getting ready for St. Paddy's Day! So exciting! It's an especially important holiday because we are Irish!


OK, we're not really Irish. And my ma ape informs me that having short legs and a salty attitude does not make me a leprechaun. But my ma ape used to live in Ireland.

OK, not really. She lived in Northern Ireland. And though she might have turned green a few times after late nights out, she is also not a leprechaun. But we do support America's first Irish President.

Haha! Get it! I thought of that joke a long time ago and look! They put it on a shirt!

Look! My Irish eye is smiling.


I hope we are stocking up on Guinness and corned beef for the big day! But I did uncover something verrrrrrry interesting...

Monday is ALSO my beguiling bud Stan's burpday. Do you think HE is a Saint? He is to me. I have been busy saving Wally smoocheroonies for the StanApe but she cannot have them until she finishes her master's. Because once she gets Wally smooches she will not be able to concentrate on anything else.

Anyway--I'm trying to send St. Stan a good Irish dinner with beef n' potatoes and Guinness but the envelope keeps leaking. I will have to think of something else...

The Third Degree

My good pal Gooberstan (can you tell which set of luscious AireLips belong to StanMan?) and his sissy Stella have tagged us to answer some questions that inquiring minds want answered! This is like that show where they hook people up to lie detectors so you humiliate yourself in front of your spouse/parent/friend AND a studio audience. Do you apes never tire of embarassing one another for fun and profit? OK, here we go:

1. If I could be a different kind of animal I would be

Ethel: CORGADOOOOOOOR!

Wally: Hippo. Look how big their mouths are! I could fit so many meaty bones in there. Or maybe a cow. I hear they have like four stomachs.


2. My favorite song is.

Ethel: Um, maybe "Legs" by ZZ Top.

Wally "Wallyloo" by ABBA. It's about Napolean. And me. And maybe my resemblance to Napolean (We are both short and believe that we could rule the world. I, however, am not delusional in this belief.)

3. If I could live anywhere in the world

Ethel: I would live at Wimbeldon! So many tennis balls to chase all day!

Wally: I would live in Twin Peaks (I used to live in Snoqualmie which is the real world Twin Peaks) because they have abundant cherry pie, dancing midgets AND a fish in the percolator!

4. If I were a famous movie star or personality I would be

Ethel: Venus Williams. Amelie Mauresmo. Martina Hingis. Serena Williams. You see where I'm going with this!

Wally: Henri Toulouse-Lautrec. (If you read the Wikipedia description of his physical disfigurement I think you will find it describes me quite well! Hehehehe). Babe, Pig in the City. Napolean. Winston Churchill.

5. I would like to be a spokesperson for

Ethel: TENNIS BALLS. National Association for Sissies with Exploding Butts (NAMBLA)

Wally: I am currently seeking employment as a mascot for the Chicago Cubs/Chicago Bears as the RallyWally. Call me, Chi-Town!



Gooberstan, I hope this answers all of your burning questions. Now I will tag the BRAT PACK! Behold the Eyes of Truth!