A Week in Presents!

So here's the deal--next Wednesday is my sissy's burpday so I've been stocking up on presents for her. I tried to take my ma ape's ECONOMIC STIMULUS TAX REFUND CHECK to the store to buy my sissy dozens of monkey sticks but apparently my paw is not an adequate substitute for my ma ape's signature--whatev.

Anyway, we've gotten a bunch of stuff in the mail-and not even for ME or my SISSY!!??? What the? Who would send my APES presents?

First, my rabbit friend Finlay's owns an ape who helps other people sell books and she sent my ma ape some books! Including this one!


My ma ape decided to try to rule the world and made Buko Cupcakes (Coconut/Lime) and Cookies & Creme Cupcakes and we agreed that these cupcakes WOULD do a better job of ruling than our current President. And also they taste better.


And then--THEN--we got a bright green package that our mail carrier puzzled over for some time because it was addressed to "The Ma Ape of Wally T. Corgador." The mail lady is quite often bemused by the assortment of mail items addressed to me but this one made her laugh out loud. And we opened it and it was from GOOBERSTAN! For my MA APE! He must be moving in on her. Well, there's plenty of her to share, buddy. Goober sent me a fish for smooching (photos to come later) and also was so thoughtful and knew that my ma ape was a vegan so he sent her TAFFY! Texas Taffy! My ma ape decided to share it with us.


And even though Stan said I *could* (not *should*) share with sissy, I did.


And I did enjoy it, StanMan. Here I am pretending to eat it with YOU, big guy:


But the piece de resistance from GooberStan was a Colbert for President T-shirt! I tried it on but I prefer shirts that allow me to show off my figure, especially my ripped abs, so I let my ma ape have it. Here she is thinking she's funny.


Thanks Finlay and GooberStan! (And also to your apes.)

Another Super Tuesday!

Tomorrow will be an incredibly important, even historic, day in American pawliticks. Ohio, Texas, Vermont, and Rhode Island will be voting and it will be time for an underrepresented group finally find a voice in American politics. I have been working very hard to ensure a high turn out. I've been canvassing the neighborhood, sending loads of pee-mails and shouting at everyone who walks by my door. Since I don't live in any of these states my efforts may be wasted. But no one can say I have not been paw-litically active. Why? Because my bud Ernest is running. And, frankly, it is time for a short-legged guy to win the presidency! And look! He has t-shirts AND stickers. That shows some major ambition:



Look at his cool logo!


Yes, I believe it is time to end the tyranny of long-legged Presidents and let a short-legger/roachin' king take the reins:


And for those of you who are skeptical that a short-legger can do the job? That we're not temperamentally suited to do the job? That we'll be soft on defense and too emotional? I would beg to differ. Anything you can do, a short-legger can do. And with more panache.

Short-leggers can fly:


And use our legs as perfect bully strap holders.


We can defy gravity with just one ear.


Also, it is Ernest's burpday this week so if he doesn't win at least he'll get loads of attention and stuff.

OBAMARAMA!

A cow-cussed, an Obama won. Awesome! I like both dudes who came in one and two (but not that Huckleberry Huckster guy).



My sissy said I should support Kucinich because we are both munchkins. I told her to shut her yapper.

Goodbye Cow-causes!

I am taking a break from complaining about my diet to complain about politics! Thank goodness that the Iowa caucuses are OVER today so they can stop interviewing every single person in Iowa (and yet--I have not seen opinion makers like Butchy & Snickers!) and taking polls three times a day. My granny (N for Nebraska!) gets Iowa teevee stations so she has developed a close and personal bond with all of the candidates, especially the RomneyBot (haha! Don't spank me when you visit, granny! [N for Not a Fan of Mitt!!])

I hear there's been a surge by a dark horse candidate named Ernest Puppy. And his good looks and charm make him a shoo-in for New Hampshire.

My sissy and I are taking our anger out on a different kind of ape (who do you think we're pretending he is as we tear him limb from limb? And Republicans, it is just HEIGHTENED INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES so it's totally cool):


But then my ma ape told me a story about the Iowa caucuses that made me pass out. It completely undermined my entire world view, my belief system, everything I thought I knew and cherished:


My ma ape was a registered Republican. For three hours. During the Iowa caucuses of 1996. The horror! The horror!

Raising the Level of Political Discourse

Look! It's Presidential Candidate and Dog Lover Extraordinaire Mitt Romney. I have two questions:

1) How is it that a guy named "Mitt" gets away with making fun of anyone's name (while being bigoted and offensive to boot!)?

2) What does he have against modern art? I think the MOMA is a perfectly lovely art museum (though it's not in Chelsea).