What is my ma ape not telling me?

From watching this clip I can only conclude that either 1) Jon Stewart caught giardi-butt from my ma ape/Oscar or 2) Stephen Colbert is sending secret messages to her.



My ma ape is hoping it is the latter though she has not yet decoded the message.

A Week in Presents!

So here's the deal--next Wednesday is my sissy's burpday so I've been stocking up on presents for her. I tried to take my ma ape's ECONOMIC STIMULUS TAX REFUND CHECK to the store to buy my sissy dozens of monkey sticks but apparently my paw is not an adequate substitute for my ma ape's signature--whatev.

Anyway, we've gotten a bunch of stuff in the mail-and not even for ME or my SISSY!!??? What the? Who would send my APES presents?

First, my rabbit friend Finlay's owns an ape who helps other people sell books and she sent my ma ape some books! Including this one!


My ma ape decided to try to rule the world and made Buko Cupcakes (Coconut/Lime) and Cookies & Creme Cupcakes and we agreed that these cupcakes WOULD do a better job of ruling than our current President. And also they taste better.


And then--THEN--we got a bright green package that our mail carrier puzzled over for some time because it was addressed to "The Ma Ape of Wally T. Corgador." The mail lady is quite often bemused by the assortment of mail items addressed to me but this one made her laugh out loud. And we opened it and it was from GOOBERSTAN! For my MA APE! He must be moving in on her. Well, there's plenty of her to share, buddy. Goober sent me a fish for smooching (photos to come later) and also was so thoughtful and knew that my ma ape was a vegan so he sent her TAFFY! Texas Taffy! My ma ape decided to share it with us.


And even though Stan said I *could* (not *should*) share with sissy, I did.


And I did enjoy it, StanMan. Here I am pretending to eat it with YOU, big guy:


But the piece de resistance from GooberStan was a Colbert for President T-shirt! I tried it on but I prefer shirts that allow me to show off my figure, especially my ripped abs, so I let my ma ape have it. Here she is thinking she's funny.


Thanks Finlay and GooberStan! (And also to your apes.)

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!


Why? THIS:


Yes, Stephen Colbert is coming to Philly and it is already SOLD OUT! And did he save any seats for Wally T. Corgador??? No.



Well, you're just going to have to figure out how to order Philly Cheesesteaks and boo Santa by yourself, buddy. Sniff. And after my ma ape practically sold her kidney to see Jon Stewart. And we love you MORE.

Super Silly Wednesday!

I was up late watching election returns so I'd like to keep things light today. So I thought I would share some funny things I saw yesterday.

1. The Conan O'Brien/Stephen Colbert/Jon Stewart Fight-o-Rama over the transitive property of Huckabee:





I would just like to add my two cents which is that I invented the transitive property as it applies to football years ago. So, boys, I WIN!

2. Nobody likes Mitt Romney. In West Virginia, John McCain pledged his delegates to Mike Huckabee just so Mitt Romney couldn't have any. I believe Nelson Muntz said it best on the Simpsons--HA HA. Here's why no one likes that dude:



3. This is me being adorable.