A Week in Presents!

So here's the deal--next Wednesday is my sissy's burpday so I've been stocking up on presents for her. I tried to take my ma ape's ECONOMIC STIMULUS TAX REFUND CHECK to the store to buy my sissy dozens of monkey sticks but apparently my paw is not an adequate substitute for my ma ape's signature--whatev.

Anyway, we've gotten a bunch of stuff in the mail-and not even for ME or my SISSY!!??? What the? Who would send my APES presents?

First, my rabbit friend Finlay's owns an ape who helps other people sell books and she sent my ma ape some books! Including this one!


My ma ape decided to try to rule the world and made Buko Cupcakes (Coconut/Lime) and Cookies & Creme Cupcakes and we agreed that these cupcakes WOULD do a better job of ruling than our current President. And also they taste better.


And then--THEN--we got a bright green package that our mail carrier puzzled over for some time because it was addressed to "The Ma Ape of Wally T. Corgador." The mail lady is quite often bemused by the assortment of mail items addressed to me but this one made her laugh out loud. And we opened it and it was from GOOBERSTAN! For my MA APE! He must be moving in on her. Well, there's plenty of her to share, buddy. Goober sent me a fish for smooching (photos to come later) and also was so thoughtful and knew that my ma ape was a vegan so he sent her TAFFY! Texas Taffy! My ma ape decided to share it with us.


And even though Stan said I *could* (not *should*) share with sissy, I did.


And I did enjoy it, StanMan. Here I am pretending to eat it with YOU, big guy:


But the piece de resistance from GooberStan was a Colbert for President T-shirt! I tried it on but I prefer shirts that allow me to show off my figure, especially my ripped abs, so I let my ma ape have it. Here she is thinking she's funny.


Thanks Finlay and GooberStan! (And also to your apes.)

Cross-Species Bonding!

So tonight I am have a totally cool cross-species bonding night! I have locked my rabbit-hunting sissy in the bedroom and my best rabbit pal Finlay and I will be watching one of our favorite shows about a strange and unusual species--Southern Californicus Vacuouosis--on The Hills! We are like anth-ro-pologists studying another culture, one with lots of eyeliner and exclusive nightclubs that all look the same. But importantly we have to be ready for some quality dining. So Finlay wanted her favorite chow--PIZZA!


My ma ape said I could not have pizza because that's what the other Ape got me for dinner Friday night and I had a touch of the gas all weekend. So my ma ape said she would make me something special. I thought maybe from this book because the person that Finlay owns is the publicist--Veganomicon!


But my ma ape said I don't have to eat just vegetables because I am an omnivore--I eat anything (and everything.) So she said I could make a special cake for a special occasion--Penny's burpday and Sherman's-Healthy-As-A-Tank Day! So she made me liver and heart pie! I tasted the ingredients to make sure they're a-ok:



And then she put it in the oven and I guarded it very carefully:


The pie is delicious, Finlay! Now let's watch some MTV! Dra-ma!


P.S. Recipe for Liver/Heart pie (which ma ape was wingin' cuz Sherman's mom was improvising their beef heart cake and she was inspired): One package beef liver, One package beef Heart (about 2/3 pound each), four eggs (with shells), two apples, half a cup of cottage cheese (approximately), 2-3 cups oatmeal. Grind wet ingredients in blender. Pour into bowl. Blend up oatmeal (my ma ape learned this from ShermApe--it gets the liver nastiness off the blender!) in the blender until fine. Mix in bowl. Spread on cookie sheet. Bake for 35-40 minutes. Listen to whining until it cools. Cut into pieces with cookie cutter. Feed to whining dogs.