Cross-Species Bonding!

So tonight I am have a totally cool cross-species bonding night! I have locked my rabbit-hunting sissy in the bedroom and my best rabbit pal Finlay and I will be watching one of our favorite shows about a strange and unusual species--Southern Californicus Vacuouosis--on The Hills! We are like anth-ro-pologists studying another culture, one with lots of eyeliner and exclusive nightclubs that all look the same. But importantly we have to be ready for some quality dining. So Finlay wanted her favorite chow--PIZZA!


My ma ape said I could not have pizza because that's what the other Ape got me for dinner Friday night and I had a touch of the gas all weekend. So my ma ape said she would make me something special. I thought maybe from this book because the person that Finlay owns is the publicist--Veganomicon!


But my ma ape said I don't have to eat just vegetables because I am an omnivore--I eat anything (and everything.) So she said I could make a special cake for a special occasion--Penny's burpday and Sherman's-Healthy-As-A-Tank Day! So she made me liver and heart pie! I tasted the ingredients to make sure they're a-ok:



And then she put it in the oven and I guarded it very carefully:


The pie is delicious, Finlay! Now let's watch some MTV! Dra-ma!


P.S. Recipe for Liver/Heart pie (which ma ape was wingin' cuz Sherman's mom was improvising their beef heart cake and she was inspired): One package beef liver, One package beef Heart (about 2/3 pound each), four eggs (with shells), two apples, half a cup of cottage cheese (approximately), 2-3 cups oatmeal. Grind wet ingredients in blender. Pour into bowl. Blend up oatmeal (my ma ape learned this from ShermApe--it gets the liver nastiness off the blender!) in the blender until fine. Mix in bowl. Spread on cookie sheet. Bake for 35-40 minutes. Listen to whining until it cools. Cut into pieces with cookie cutter. Feed to whining dogs.

In the Doghouse with the Shermanator

I'm in really big trouble with my buddy Sherman, my BFF and one of my oldest bromances. See, in my last post I promised smooches with a few in reserve for some of my hottie girlfriends and my special gents. But I forgot Sherman. Oh man did I hear it from him! But I have a reputation to uphold in terms of my milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard so I've gotta really turn on the Wally charms here to win back my Sherms. So everyone else avert your eyes, this involves groveling.

See, Sherman, I'm begging:



On my knees even.


I'm ready to give you that smooch--eyes closed, mouth open.


(That means with tongue, dude).


And, if you need more enticement, a little centerfold shot:


And my best side.


Sherman, chicken backs just wouldn't be the same without you. I mean, I'd still eat 'em and all but they wouldn't taste as good.

Get Well Grammie!

Here I am thinking wistfully about my Grammie who had gall bladder surgery and is recovering! If you would like to send her well-wishes you should stop by Peanut's blog--he and his family deserve all the support they can get!

Now, there is some confusion about my actual relation to Grammie. Here is the story of how I adopted her as MY Grammie. My Granny lives in Nebraska and she raised my ma ape which was surely a Herculean task. But I got mad at her once when she suggested that her dog Conan (RIP big guy!) was cuter than me. Now, I shouldn't be jelly because 1) Conan raised my ma ape during her impressionable adolescence and prevented her from becoming a feckless hooligan. She could have turned out much worse. I mean, it's hard to imagine something worse than a Philosopher major but I'm sure there something. 2) Had she not been owned by Conan, she would not have known the wonder of the corgi and then would never have taken it to the next level--THE CORGADOR. So I've forgiven my granny and we're all good (especially if you visit, granny!) but in the process I gained a Grammie.

So, long story short, Grammie always comes to my blog and says nice things and she came and said she would always tell me how handsome I am so I adopted her. And I sent her a Wally magnet to put on her freezing box which means we're bound together forEVER. She and I have a lot in common, too. We both love the Pacific Northwest, Seattle Mariners, Ichiro, and ME!

So get well soon, Grammie! And it sounds like things are pretty hectic for the Peanut Gang so I hope things improve for his family, too. We are thinking of your grammie and your pops and sending good vibes your way. And I have a big head so those are BIG vibes!

Beee! Eff! Eff!

Today a box arrived addressed to Wally Corgador. That's ME! (I rolled my tongue for you Poppy!) And it came from my Buff Furry Friend, PEANUT!


Hey sissy! Get outta my box or I'll get the ma ape to lock you in YOUR BOX!


Peanut got me something to make me EVEN MORE incredibly handsome. Now, I know what you're thinking--IMPOSSIBLE, right? I mean, it's hard to top perfection. But Peanut got me something AWESOME:


On the top you see my old skank collar. It was SO DIRTY and smelly. But Peanut got me a SEATTLE MOANERS collar! So I can root for ICHIRO all day!


While chewing on the bully that Peanut sent. And playing with the big red ball! Can you take all the handsome?


And then he sent me BEEF LUNG! And pizzle! It's like a whole cow!


Eye scrunchin' good.


I even shared with Ms. Ethel.


And here I am closing my eyes and being serious for a minute.

I am wishing that Peanut has a great visit with our Awesome Grammie and that they have a good move to Loosey Anna (she sounds like a great gal) and I really really REALLY hope that when his dad is deployed to Iraq he comes home SAFE and SOON.

Thank you so much Peanut!

HAPPY BURPDAY SHERMANS!

It is my BFF Sherman's BURPDAY! He rescued his people on this date. So cool. Sherman deserves to have the greatest burpday ever!

He takes excellent care of his sissies.


He is a totally studly dude who can pull off even a rain slicker with great panache (and manliness). And look how skinny he is:


And he knows how to stay cool in the heat with a dirt hole and little beer:

Please tell your mum to pick up some things for you from me. Here's a list of suggestions.

A few steaks:



Chicken feets:



Your girl Dot! (So she's not afraid to travel alone, she'd probably better bring Sam with her, and drop her off at my house!)


A good sized raw meaty bone (this one the size is good but it needs more raw meaty).



And a cake! Look! This is a DotSpot Cake!



Have a great one buddy! Good job finding your peoples.

Post for Penny

HI! I'm ETHEL and my BROTHER said I could BLOG because EVEN THOUGH I was MEAN by pointing out THE TRUTH (Wally is totally an OLD MAN just like DAVID BECKHAM). But he said I could DO IT if I learn to NOT CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING and make a post to say HI to my BFF Penny! Cuz I have loads of boyfriends like my old man Maxy and my hottie hottie boy PIPPA! (Who is really hot cuz he lives in SPAIN!) So here is my post for PENNY:


Hi Penny! You are like totally hilarious. LOOK AT YOUR HAIR! HAHA! It looks like my ma ape's when it is humid! HAHAHA!


Look! That's me doing my favoritest thing EVER which is FETCHING THE TENNIS BALL (nocapsnocapsnocaps). I love tennis balls. Do you LOVE tennis balls? More than Sherman? I can't decide if I love tennis balls more than Wally. He doesn't bounce as far. But he does let me chase him and he is kind of ROUND.




This is me trying to be pretty. Do you think I'm pretty? I think you're totally pretty Penny. Like prettier than Lola. I mean, look at this picture:


P.S. I saw chickens feets in a grocery bag that my mom brought home--totally awesome!

Here is my big mouth. I am picky about what I put in it (other than tennis balls but I don't like other dogsesseseseseses tennis balls). I like meatables and meatables and cottage cheeseables. What do you like to eat? I bet you're not FAT like WALLY and SHERMS.


Look I'm catching some more. You might know but I am like totally tall. On my back legs I'm as tall as my mom!



This is my brotherable. Doesn't he look OLD? OK, like don't tell WALLY but I like totally love him and no one can talk bad about him but ME and I like totally get MAD at dogs who are MEAN TO HIM. But maybe if we made fun of HIM and SHERMAN together it would be OK.


Here is my brother doing one of his FAVORITE THINGS which is roaching. While I fetch he ROACHES. In the background he says those are CORNS. I might like corn. If they are made of meat.


Bye Penny! If anybody else reads this just don't tell WALLY that I LOOOOOVE him, k?

Ethel RULZ!

For ME?

I wanted to post about something happier than my last post so I thought I'd post about the two greatest things EVER. Food and PRESENTS. And even better, food and presents from my BFF Sherman of Jackman Ave!

Look--here I am upset because my sissy is opening MY box. Her name is NOT Wally Corgador so she is committing a FEDERAL CRIME by opening it.



But then I pulled out the letter from Sherman and Sherman said I DON'T have to share if I don't want to! Look how happy THAT made me! And look how handsome Sherman is in his picture.


But then Sherman said that Penny wants to be Ethel's BFF like Sherman is my BFF. And Ethel doesn't make girl friends often so she and Penny can be BFF. They have a lot in common like being tall and skinny and having long legs and liking to chase things. I hope Ethel does not bite my head, though.

Here Ethel makes a SILLY face while she eats her bully strap from her BFF Penny.


And here I take my bully strap that my BFF sent me. Notice how I don't make a silly face at all. So dignified.


And here I am chewing the bully strap while Toe Mato watches. Sherm sent me the Mater, too! And I don't even have to get in trouble for going into the garden for getting it!


And here is the Deedle Dee rat that makes a LOT of noise when you bite his belly. The ma ape likes when I play with this while she's going to sleep. Sherm said his mom got tired of the noise so she sent it to me! How sweet!


There's more stuff (like DIET snacks that Sherm says are just called diet for our mum's sakes and not cuz we're FAT) that I will show you later. I've gotta go play with my new toys!