Waiting...waiting...waiting...

My ma ape has been busy this week and hasn't been able to help me blog.

She says she is working but I know that surely she has been shopping.

Two shopping days left before the big BURPDAY. I'm keeping busy to pass the time.


And yesterday a BIG box arrived on my doorstep. From Oregon. At least I know SOMEBODY loves me! HaROOOOOO!

The Tail of the Pink Monkey

A few weeks ago I got a box of monkeys from my Grammie. Ok, monkeys and apes (for my onkel eric who like to keep his monkey distinct from his apes). Meet the simian who has risen above the rest, the Pink Monkey.


The Pink Monkey has seen better days. He is missing his tail, an eye, an arm, and his belly button.

Who is responsible for this carnage? Could these hooligans be involved?

The Oscar Bean, Super Teen disagrees vigorously:

So vigorously, indeed, that if he had any brain they would be scrambled like an egg. No, here is the truth. The Pink Monkey is a victim of brotherly love. Ordinarily I do not share my stuffies. Indeed, I prefer to disembowel alone, and I maintain my solitary stuffitude with great vigilance with what the ma ape calls "first class bastardy." Namely, I show my teeth and give a growl worthy of a tiger.


But I let my baby brudder play tug with me over the Pink Monkey.

And thus I contemplate the power of the pink monkey, able to bring together two brothers in a bond over ripping a stuffy limb from limb. Could we have discovered the secret to world peace? Or just good way to spend a Saturday morning?

Behold, the pink monkey.

Planet of the AAAAAPES!

It's finally here! The MONKEY BOX REPORT! My ma ape sometimes calls us the monkey house because sometimes my baby brudder howls like a monkey. And yesterday--our house got FOUR NEW APES. Fortunately not naked apes!

It all began with a big surprise. A box at the door! From Oregon! And that means...BIG FOOT! No, that means GRAMMIE!

The box was taller than me so I let Oscar Bean open it up.

AND LOOK WHAT WAS INSIDE! AAAAAPES! There is a gorilla, a white gorilla, an orangetang and a chimp/naked ape hybrid (that must be why it is pink and wearing a t-shirt right?)

My brudder thought he could share. He could not.

The apes are WALLY'S DOMINION!

I piled up all the apes in the room and and tested them all out. And when my ma ape tried to use the gorilla for a pilla, I stole it back!

And look what else I found in the box! MARIONBERRIES.

And the note said that there was something in the box for the ma ape. And the ma ape was so excited because she does love her some marionberries, especially on her ice creams.

But she was clearly mistaken. I think this is what Grammie and Moco sent for her:

Thank you Grammie and Moco and Dawson and Foley and Edgar and Clara and Pappy! I'm the luckiest dog in the world. And I can't wait to take more pictures of me and my ape crew by the harsh light of day!

Oh. My. Dog.

Many things this week have been shocking. The collapse of several financial houses. Karl Rove saying McCain's ads went "too far." The makeover show on America's Next Top Model. But nothing could have prepared me for THIS excitement.

A box.

On our doorstep.

My ma ape was confused--she did order a new iPod shuffle but surely the box would not be so big.

Or from Oregon.

Oh. My. Dog.

You must wait to see because right now I am occupied with a BOX OF MONKEYS.

I've got mail!

My ma ape is totes jealous because I got loads of mail this week and all she gets is bills and ads for stuff she doesn't want. I got an e-mail from HER friend Alice.

And I got a postcard from Oregon! My Grammie and Moco and Dawson thought I needed a reminder of what the Pacific Ocean looks like.

And then I got mail from O-Hi-O. My friends at Jackman Ave had told me about A Place for Paws where they make the raw meaties so you don't have to get them from the meat industrial complex so I took my ma ape's plastic and hit the Internets! A week later:

That is 100 pounds of meat! Most of it went into the freezy box:

And the some of it was dehydrated like this:

I had to sample some items like the chicken feet. I took these picture for my GranNE who hates chickens because she used to be a microbiologist (though I don't think she's that small--she's like my ma ape's height) and had to take blood from the chickens and they tried to draw blood from her:

They taste great GranNE! I would even share with you!

Or not. Thanks for the meatie suggestion, Sherman! And I highly recommend A Place for Paws! They were totally fast and TASTY.

Look!

Meet Mac! She is at the Columbia Humane Society that adopts out only the finest pooches. Here is Mac's description:

Sweet Sweet Mac! She is so sweet that a generous donor has paid her adoption fee. Mac is loving and you WANT to be able to get the chance to be around her. The spice in Mac is her playful side. At first she is just so excited to get your attention that she is a hyper little thing. Just be patient with her, she calms down after a while and really wants to be a lap dog. However, she isn’t’ really “lap dog” size. But SHHHH… don’t let her know, you might just break her little heart. What Mac could use is a family wanting to give her love and willing to play with her often!

Do you know who that generous donor is? GRAMMIE! She sponsored Mac for my Burpday! Thanks Grammie! I am especially touched because Mac looks an awful lot like my sissy Morgan (RIP Morgan!) who adopted ME! Sniff. I'm touched!

A Tale of Two Grammies!

OK, this is really about one Grammie but the title is literary and stuff. You all know that I have many admirers including my Granny (N for Nebraska) and Grammie (M for My Friend Peanut's Grammie!). That's a lot of grandparent love for one little dude. Let me demonstrate.

Last Saturday my sissy and I were yellingyellinyelling at the door and my ma ape was yellingyellingyelling at us. "WHAT is your PROBLEM" is what she said. And then she found that the mail lady (who is totally cool and gives us snacks if we're outside so we always yell hello at her. For a good 5-10 minutes) had brought me a BOX! See, it has my name on it! And it is priority mail so that means that I am a PRIORITY!


Ma ape! Put down the camera and pick up the pace! (Do you see me doing the alien eyes above, Grammie? That's because I could TELL it was from you...)


I found a card inside for ME! From Moco, Foley, Dawson and my very own GRAMMIE!


It is a burpday card which is both festive and bossy--like me!--because in addition to wishing me a great burpday Grammie also instructs me to tell my ma ape to get off her lazy keister and make me a ramp to get into the big bed with her! (Grammie might have put it a bit more nicely but I'm sure she meant to say the keister bit).


Grammie knows me so well! She sent me Nathan's Hot Dogs which are the kind they eat in the Hot Dog eating contest July 4th at Coney Island.


Grammie knows I'm in training as a serious competitive eater. I'm an athlete and I need regular training!

And my ma ape let my sissy have some even though the card said I can share with Ethel, not that I have to.


Mmmmm...Lambie Liver. Grammie also sent breath mints and I was pretty surprised she could smell my sissy's stank breath all the way on the other coast! I told sissy she stunk. And Grammie sent me BOOOOONES.

Look at me! I'm verklempt. Thanks Grammie! I'm currently working on boxing up some smoocheroonies. My ma ape says we'll have to send them overnight, though, so they don't spoil in the mail.

How To Use a Blanket (by Wally)

My sissy and I have been spending the day on our blankies (no exaggeration--we have been getting up to do our business but otherwise it's blanket city!)

My sissy thinks hers makes her look pretty.


I can do all my favorite things on my new pawsonalized blankie. I made a napping cave.


I caught up on my beauty rest:


I played soccer.


I can even chew on my bullies without having to leave my blankie!


Sorry about the quality of the photos. 1) I have a lousy photographer. 2) There is NO SUN here today. Perfect day for a blankie. And a bully. And a bully on your belly on the blankie.

OMG!

OMG means OH MY GRAMMIE! Because I have the GREATEST GRAMMIE EVER! But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's how the story goes. Once there was a lonely little Wally. His ma ape was at work all day and his granny (n for nebraska!) was in sweden and Wally was left all alone in the cold winter with only his sissy and her obsession with tennis balls.

But what is THIS? A BOX!


I had to shout HURRY HURRY! OPEN IT UP MA APE!


And she did. What's in the box!? What's in the Box!!!!


Ohhhhh...beautiful fluffy stuff!

It's PERSONALIZED blankets with our names stitched into them in DIFFERENT fontables because we are so different. And my sissy's name has stitching orbiting around it like a planet because my grammie knows my sissy is a SPACE CADET and my grammie loves aliens!

Look at my beautiful name it big manly font!

And my sissy immediately claimed hers--MINE. Don't come between a lady and her strawberrable blanket!

And I took mine for a test run--perfect for napping! And there are dogs on the inside. Including a boxer like the dogable who introduced me to his grammie--PEANUT (and Flash!)

And look! If we are on the other side we are CAMOFLAGED. Except for my alien eyes (which are a secret between me and my grammie).

And here I am reading the very nice card from my Grammie who is so super nice that she made my ma ape leak from the eyes! Thanks so much Grammie! These blankets are the GREATEST and we love 'em. We will think of you every time we curl up for warm naps in the cold winter. If you sometimes feel some whiskers tickling you and a little smoocheroonie it's just me sending you telepathic kissies with my alien eyes! THANK YOU!

Get Well Grammie!

Here I am thinking wistfully about my Grammie who had gall bladder surgery and is recovering! If you would like to send her well-wishes you should stop by Peanut's blog--he and his family deserve all the support they can get!

Now, there is some confusion about my actual relation to Grammie. Here is the story of how I adopted her as MY Grammie. My Granny lives in Nebraska and she raised my ma ape which was surely a Herculean task. But I got mad at her once when she suggested that her dog Conan (RIP big guy!) was cuter than me. Now, I shouldn't be jelly because 1) Conan raised my ma ape during her impressionable adolescence and prevented her from becoming a feckless hooligan. She could have turned out much worse. I mean, it's hard to imagine something worse than a Philosopher major but I'm sure there something. 2) Had she not been owned by Conan, she would not have known the wonder of the corgi and then would never have taken it to the next level--THE CORGADOR. So I've forgiven my granny and we're all good (especially if you visit, granny!) but in the process I gained a Grammie.

So, long story short, Grammie always comes to my blog and says nice things and she came and said she would always tell me how handsome I am so I adopted her. And I sent her a Wally magnet to put on her freezing box which means we're bound together forEVER. She and I have a lot in common, too. We both love the Pacific Northwest, Seattle Mariners, Ichiro, and ME!

So get well soon, Grammie! And it sounds like things are pretty hectic for the Peanut Gang so I hope things improve for his family, too. We are thinking of your grammie and your pops and sending good vibes your way. And I have a big head so those are BIG vibes!