I'm Too Old for This!

I'm a bit old for all this pawtying with the Girls of Jackman Ave and with Burpday Girl Asta.

A boy needs his beauty rest (look at my bat ears--ha!).


But don't worry. A few naps and I'll be up and pawtying again! Especially because Asta has kept me up to date on the FOODABLE purchasing!

Me and my mad skillz

If you thought my sissy Ethel was the only one in this house who knows her way around a tennis ball....
...you could not be more wrong.


I've got at least a two inch vertical.


And for tonight's disco pawty with the Girls of Jackman Ave, I've been practicing my faces.

So I can hang with Lola, my partner in snaggle.

Home on the Range!

I'm getting ready for Asta's cowboy hoedown burpday pawty and to get ready I've been listening to Sally Timms singing "Drunk by Noon" not only because it's something I like to be (drunk by noon) but also because the first line is about a poodle who thought he was a cowboy (sorry for the video quality):



My ma ape will be SO MAD I told you about this but one summer when she was in college she worked as country music DJ--haha! She can teach me how to be a cowboy. Though I think I'm going to be a cow so maybe she should teach me how to avoid the cowboys. But what if I want to wear chaps?

HAPPY BURPDAY SHERMANS!

It is my BFF Sherman's BURPDAY! He rescued his people on this date. So cool. Sherman deserves to have the greatest burpday ever!

He takes excellent care of his sissies.


He is a totally studly dude who can pull off even a rain slicker with great panache (and manliness). And look how skinny he is:


And he knows how to stay cool in the heat with a dirt hole and little beer:

Please tell your mum to pick up some things for you from me. Here's a list of suggestions.

A few steaks:



Chicken feets:



Your girl Dot! (So she's not afraid to travel alone, she'd probably better bring Sam with her, and drop her off at my house!)


A good sized raw meaty bone (this one the size is good but it needs more raw meaty).



And a cake! Look! This is a DotSpot Cake!



Have a great one buddy! Good job finding your peoples.

Smack it to Me Stan!

Look at what the GooberStan sent me! Now--he sent it via e-mail and even red lipstick doesn't show up well on my lovely black fur which makes me think he wanted me to keep it top secret. No way! Smack one to me Stanny! Here I am waiting:

But I can't promise my mouth was not down in this region.


But it's cool--we're bull pizzle pals so you KNOW where this mouth has been.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

My BPP (Bull Pizzle Pal) GooberStan sent his good pal WooberWally an invaluable tool--a BPHT (Bull Pizzle Hunting Tool). He sent one to my buddy buddy IKE (also a BPP)

Can you see it?????


Yes, it is a CLEVER DISGUISE to make me look like a COW. Ike blogs about it on his blog. Here's how he looks in HIS BPHT (he says his eyes are red from a trip to the vet but I think it might be pizzle lust).



Yes, I guess Ike's waist is about the size of my neck. I would use this opportunity to suggest it might be my pizzle (and NOT my belly chub) getting in the way but this is a family blog. A very profane family that is discussing bull penises but still a family.

Here are the directions that came with the tool:



In short, our job is to LOOK like cows so that curious bulls will approach us and when they go to seal the deal--CHOMP! Fresh pizzle!

What do you think?



Could I pass?
To help in my search I have been researching the cows using the google and here is what I have found:

1) Cattles have ONE stomach with FOUR compartments. I need one of those!
2) Cattles chew their cud which is regurgitated stuff. So when the ma ape goes to clean up my barf so I don't eat it I can say "Back off my cud, ape!"
3) Cattles emit a lot of methane gas which is stinky and polluting. I already do that.
4) Cattles can get Mad Cow Disease! I think my sissy has that.

I hope this strategy will pay off. Thank you GooberStan! You shall share in the bounty of my hunting!

Happy Burpday IKE!

Happy Burpday to my good pal Ike Ike Baby! Don't forget to drop by Ike's blog to wish him a happy adoption day! He used to be a sex (puppy mill) worker in Missouri and now he's a sexy beast with his own home (with goddamn cats). He's a unique brown boxer with a tongue that just won't quit. Happy burpday big guy! (Note: the picture above is NOT Ike but is a recreation of what his burpday would be like if his mum didn't do such a good job of looking after his health. Below IS Ike in all his tonguey glory.)

EDITED: Joe noticed my GRIEVOUS ERROR. Ike is not a BOXER. He's a BOSTON! Yeesh! And on a guy's burpday, too.

27 questions

Every doggie is doing it so here are are answers to the 27 questions going around. (Thank goodness no one's pestering me about secrets. Not that I have any. I let Ethel answer her own. My answers are preceded with a "W" (NOT for Dubya) and make sense. Ethel's are preceded by an E and are stoooooooopid.

1. Your age?

W: Ageless.
E: Maybe 3? YOUNGEr than old Man WALly

2. Your age when came to live with your people?

W: Four years ago. Age estimated at 8.
E: OOOOOOONE! Or two.

3. What color is the collar you’re wearing right now?

W: Polka dotty.
E: OOOOOrange. Like the Baltimore OOOOOOOOs.

4. Who is your favorite person other than the people you live with?

W: I don't warm up to peeps easily. But probably Mr. Rene who brings me snacks whenever he visits. Also Auntie Ira who I only met once but she fed me pastrami.
E: ANYOOOOOOOOOOOONE! Especially granny and gramps because we get to go to the PARK. And they feed me SNACKS.

5. How much do you weigh?

W: 42/3 pounds
E: 65 pounds

6. Most expensive thing you’ve ever chewed up?

W: I have destroyed some pockets but I'm not much of an illicit chewer.
E: I tore up Wally's bEd onCe. Haha. But I never chew on things i'm not supposed to. Sometimes I want to eat my brother. But he's not EXPENSIve.

7. Do you like other Dogs?

W: Used to. Now I'm a more private dude. I hurt my back a couple of years ago and I'm a little anti-social. But I have to live with at least one other dog or I get separation anxiety. I think I need some analysis. Pull up a couch!
E: NOOOOOOO! Sometimes. I love Wally and my friend Frodo. Usually I DON'T CARE unless they're annOYing ME.

8. Who is your best non-human friend?

W: MOCHA!
E: WALLY!

9. Squeaky Toys or Tennis Balls?

W: Squeakies all the way.
E: Tennis Balls! Where! Huh? Where!!??!?

10. Do you like to be brushed?

W: Not so much.
E: OK! Can I sit in YOur Lap?

11. Peanut Butter or Cheese?

W: PeeBee.
E: CheesE PLEEZ.

12. Do your people cut your nails?
W: Noooooooooooooooooo. I don't really need them cut. I walk a lot and when I go to get them cut there's nothing to cut.
E: No.

13. Any formal education?

W: I'm a Canine Good Citizen! Top of the class in TWO (beginner) obedience classes.
E: I took TWOOOOOO classes too. And flunked CGC!

14. Couch potato or Energizer Bunny?

W: Couchin' it.
E: BUUUUUUUUNNNNY! Where! Lemme chase it!

15. Five nicknames your people call you.

W: Wallisimo, Wawly Bottom, Sweet Pea, Sleepy Bo Peepy, The Boss
E: Stinky, W-T-L, Wethel, Spaz, The Deer Hunter

16. What is your best trick?

W: Total mind control over my ma ape. Also making food disappear.
E: CATCHING DEERS.

17. Do you like kitties?

W: NOOOOO! (Secretly: yes.)
E: Yes, for CHASING.

18. What did you have for breakfast?
W: Beef-ables, cottage cheese, chicken broth, veggie moosh, ticker meds, Dog Gone Pain
E: Same as Wally but I don't NEED OLD MAN pills.

19. Can you hunt (aka have you ever killed anything living)? If so, what?

W: Nope. I caught a rabbit once. Let it go. Caught a groundhog. It got the better of me. Aided and abetted the near capture of a deer. Currently I am stalking some cherry tomatoes in the garden and as soon as they are ripe they are SOOOOO mine.
E: A DEEEEEEEEERS! Once we caught a groundhogs but the apes made us let it go before i could hurt it. The apes always say NOOOOOOOOOO killing and I always WANT to hunt and they say NOOOOOOOO. Buzzkills.

20. When & why was the last time you went to the V.E.T.?

W: About three weeks ago for an ear infection.
E: Two months agO and I got SHOT! (Wally: She got shots. Not shot. No guns involved).

21. Where do you sleep at night?

W: Wherever I want. Usually in my bed in the people room. In the people bed in the winter.
E: In the ETHEL BED in the PEOPLEs BEdrooms.

22. Do you like to swim?

W: Only when I'm chasing Mocha. I'm more of a casual wader.
E: I like WADING and chasing the baLL but not SWimming TOO far.

23. Can you make puppies?

W: No. And I never did. I swear. No baby mama drama. Uh uh.
E: No SQUARED. THey spaded me TWICE.

24. Your favorite place to visit?

W: The park with shade.
E: DEers field! AnywHERE OFFleash.

25. Do you give kisses?

W: Yes. But mostly to my apes. I don't give it up that easily.
E: YES. to ANYONE. But I niP when I geT too exciTed.

26. Can you potty on command?

W & E: Sort of.

27. To Cuz or not to Cuz?

W & E: NO CUZ.

I Forgive Joe!

OK, I decided that I can't be mad at Joe Stains anymore even though he made fun of where I live because he posted a video where he pees on his brother and it made me laugh so much I forgot why I was mad. Also I have a short attention span. Except with anything involving food. I am impatient, but I keep my eye on the prize. What was I saying? Oh right, Joe and The Pits-burgh.

And also the Dogs of Jackman Ave live in Spittsburgh and Sherman and I are practically the same dog so of course he's awesome!

My girl Sophie asked for a cartoon picture of me and here you go! I will have to do another one with me in the beer helmet, too. I need a beer helmet! I'll share it with you Joe! But we probably shouldn't watch a Yankees game cuz then we might fight again.

And I was going to make a joke that we can all be friends--we can all make fun of New Jersey! But then Ruby's mum is from there. And Nanook and Pooka live there. I'll just have to pick on my sissy. Safe target (don't hurt me Max n' Pippa!).