Happy Pawlidays!

ETHEL JEAN with your PAWLIDAY REPORT! We have not posted our pawliday greetings (or sent our pawliday cards which will be New Year's cards due to Ma ape laziness!). We want to wish everyone a great pawliday no matter what pawliday you celebrate! Here's what we have been up to.

The ape made DOG COOKIES! Oh yes. There were Ethel and Oscar shapes, Edgrr shapes, and even a CORGADOR COOKIE! (We will post photos of that separately). But, alas, no Otis cookies. Our ma ape will now search for an Otis cookie cutter on the internets. These are BACON AND PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES!

And then OSCAR BEAN decided to carry on a very special Christmas tradition started by Wally involving a trip here:

Oh yes, that's the vet! And the totally FUN tradition is veterinary EMERGENCY requiring a visit the vet, eating up the last of the ape's moo-lah for the pawliday season! Assorted Wally-mergencies included heart troubles, back troubles, and eating a whole sample pack of Rimadyl troubles.

Troubles, yeah Oscar's got 'em! Hey, better HIM than ME!

Ma ape saw him scratcherating himself and found someone had poked a hole in OBST!

We have no idea how that might have happened.* At any rate, he got some anti-Bs in case some Edgrr bacterias might have gotten into him. Way to go, OBST!

SOME of us (that's me in the back) have been bending over backwards showing Santa how NICE we are. Here I am sharing the snuggle ball with the OtP even though he has gas! And it WORKED!

Look! Santa brought us beef butts! (P.S. Ma ape--PUT AWAY the ROLLING PIN!)

And he left us a BAG of TOYS which we have barely cracked!

Here the DUMB boys are trying out the monkey wubba. We will regale you with more tails of Santa prezzies once we are done digesting all our beefs and cookies.

HAPPY PAWLIDAYS!!!!!

*Edgrr would like to note that while there are many incriminating photos of him hanging off his brudder's side there is no definitive evidence against him. Innocent until proven guilty. FREE EDGRR.

Ethel Jean Reports on the Big Doings

There are many exciting things afoot here! I will fill you in as Mr. Super Teen is a bit embarrassed about his most recent exploits. You see, Oscar Bean, Super Teen is GOING TO SCHOOL. Or, er, was. He is a two-time dropout from obedience class. He gets too anxious on leash around new people and dogs and was, in the words of our ma ape, Oscar Beasticle, Drama Queen (that doesn't rhyme any more, ee cummings.) So now he has to go to PRIVATE SCHOOL before he can go back to PUBLIC SCHOOL with the other dogs and peoples. But he is super good in the Rondo, see? That is good because on the way back from school...

BANG! Someone rear-ended the ma ape! And OBST had to sit in the car for like 45 minutes and the K-9 unit showed up and barked at him and not a peep! What a little Angel.

OK, now I will let Otis talk about his adventures at the VET!

Look at me! Bully boy in the Rondo! Going for a ride, quality time with the ma ape, right?

WRONG! I had company. And I should give you some alarming news. I am a dangerously thin 75 pounds, down from over 85 pounds in April. AND. Baby had to go back to the v-e-t because (whisper: his poo showed giardias last times! He was a parasite inside and out!) Also alarming:

Their decor needs some work.

We were totally the belles of the ball at the v-e-t's office, especially after I nearly knocked over a vet tech with my gigantic head, supersized so as to accommodate my obviously ginormous brain. It made both vets double over with laughter. In exchange for my comedic services I requested they do a chutzpah-ectomy on the little dude.

I am sorry to report that the surgery was not successful.

BACK TO ETHEL! I would like to remind you that I am not responsible for any of the MAYHEM AND FOOLISHNESS described in this post and I have been a perfectly well behaved young lady.

With slightly crazy eyes.

That's OUR Vet!

We were watching the news, as we do, and we saw a familiar face. OUR VET! No, they didn't arrest him for stealing our blood, as they ought to. He is apparently very busy in his spare time when he is not doting on us!



And here is the story in words for those of you who like to read.

And if you thought that was Otis in the beginning of the story you're not the only one! BOL!

Birthdays and Haircuts!

First things first! Today is my Ape Onkel Eric's Burpday! I believe is around 2,947 years old. Hope you had a great one bud!



Now, other stuff. We have another storm coming (!!!?!??!) and my hotspot was not getting better so it was OFF to the VET! First they took my weight (and the scale wasn't properly zeroed--it read .4 BEFORE I got on!) and obviously I am DANGEROUSLY SKINNY. Horrible.

Here I am right before I crawled under the bench to hide. Dr. Bob had to look at my ganky head and take an EKG of my ticker.


My cardy-ologist says that I am the most AMAZING dog he's ever seen because I have the BIGGEST HEART he's ever seen. And that's not a metaphorical heart. I have a MONSTER TICKER. And the vet said I have a tacky-cardia. He showed my ape this picture:


I can't read Vet Language but I believe that means my tacky-cardia has grown a mullet and started collecting velvet paintings. So now I have to take a Slow Down Ticker! med. My ape hopes that will help me sleep through the night.

And then the vet gave me a hairs cut so I could put meds on my Hot Spot (not my bum):


It's my Punk Rock do--I'm so punk my mohawk is IN REVERSE. So I'd better do some thrashing to some local boys and their song Punk Rock Dog:



Do a little thrashing for me and my punk rock oldie Onkel! We'll travel round the world just you and me Punk Rock Dog!

My Regularly Scheduled Health Crisis

That is how I am feeling.

I have a tendency to get sick around the holidays. One year I had spondy-losis and my back hurt and then I ate my whole sample pack of Rimadyl and spent almost 24 hours at the vet! Another year the vet detected an arrythmia at my checkup. Last year I had my first syncope (fainting spell). Right on schedule this year it was time for a vet checkup! I have been restless at night for several weeks and this morning I was feeling poorly. Off to see Dr. Teddy! I had some pictures taken of my heart and the diagnosis was: TOO ROMANTIC! Yes, my heart is so full of love it is taking up 2/3 of my chest cavity and it is causing fluid in my lungs.

So now I'm relaxing at home with some new pills. If I'm a little quiet it is just that I am supposed to get some rest. And also I'm supposed to eat one lamb leg every day. I'm pretty sure the vet said that.

Help me, please!

Oh no. Someone please help. You see I am so sapped of strength that all I can do is nap in a series of adorable poses.


I can barely keep my eyes open.

Here is why. LOOK AT MY WEIGHT!!!!


My ma ape says that this is a Type O but I see nothing about my blood type, only a weight that is DANGEROUSLY LOW and OBVIOUSLY ACCURATE. I will take all donations in food form. (Meats preferred but not necessary.) And I will take offers from Angelina Jolie to adopt me. I hear she feeds her kids junk food.

Who's Your Uncle?

So this morning my ma ape was working away--tap tap tap on the computer--when she reached down to give me a pet and saw THIS on my pawpaw! (it's on the left, between my two toes).

It was a big red LUMP between my toes and so she packed me up in the car to go to the v-e-t. And the J.Ape had my RONDO so we had to take the old car. It needs new fool injectors (we have plenty of fools, just need the injecting) so it is always an adventure to see if the engine will fall out! I was so embarrassed.

And I was very disappointed to see that their scale is obviously broken.

I like to hide under the bench but the vet said he the tufts of fur into the room to find me.

And the vet came in and told my ma ape that it was probably a wee cyst and then he stuck a three, five, twenty inch needle in my pawpaw and out came PUS. It was PAWESOME. He said it is an interdigital cyst, common in labbie abbies. So, here is an anatomy lesson.

Intermediate sized sis-ter:


Interdigital cyst-er (post bloodletting):



It so happens that this problem puts me in good company with one of my best real world buddies, Jackson! (Coincidentally we also share the problem of annoying sisters and bratty brudders but that's another story for another blog)

The proper name for these thingies is Furunculosis/Furuncles which makes me n' Jackson FurUncles!

Ahhhhh. Two Fur Uncles, full of pus and vinegar.

OSCAR'S BIG ADVENTURES

Oscar Bean SUPER TEEN IN THE HOUSE! What is UP, dudes? I had a pretend burpday two weeks ago and next Monday I have my REAL BURPDAY. I will be TWO in my TERRIBLE TWOS and I will finally get to be TERRIBLE all the times! Ok, Wally said I could blog to tell you about NOT TERRIBLE things that I have done since my PRETEND BURPDAY.

So first me n' Wally went to see the v-e-t. Wally had to have his heart checked and the ma ape thought maybe he could teach me VET MANNERS because he acts like an ANGEL to which I say--HE IS NOT. Unless Angels hump their brudders.

See, this is Wally-at-the-vet being angelic. The vet says he looks great FOR HIS AGE which is not surprising since he is 9999999 so just being alive is LOOKING GOOD. Wally sez I'm just jelly because everyone coos over him but I will have him know that the v-e-t said I was a beautiful dog.

We took the NEW CAR and Wally rides in the back seat on the floor and he fits perfectly and he loves it so much he kisses it, see???

And I sit in the WAY BACK. Do you see-a me-a in the Kia?

And at the vet LOOK WHERE THEY PUT US? In the CAT room. Wally sez it is because I am dumb like a cat. I don't get it.

I did not learn manners from Wally but I did learn how to hide under the bench. I don't know how they found me, though!!??

Wally wanted me to show you in his MONKEYCOLLAR that he gets to wear and everyone oohs and aaahs over him and his collar.


And here we are after I got SHOTS and gave them some blood and then Wally gave them blood and pee and Ethel sez we look like we both got into Wally's stash in this picture. It's MEDICAL, man!


OH LOOK! It's a change of scenery! This is Winston who goes to the...DOG PARK. Those of you who are smart have probably figured out that this means I went to the BARK PARK.

When I got there I was freaked out because the park was full of BLONDS like I was in Southern California and I didn't think the ma ape drove THAT fast but then I made friends with Dexter here (who is not Mango's Dexter because that would also be a wrong turn and he looks better in BLACK!)


Me n' Dexter play like a coupla boxers.

And then look who showed up! It was my friend Tuchuck and his sissy Narra (but she was too busy being aloof to take a picture with us.)

Tuchuck is awesome and he likes to play ball and here he is entertaining a Rottenweiler.

Her bum smells good. And in the background there is a Great Dane who showed up later.


See, BRUNETTES have more fun!

Weathering the Weather

This is what our weather looks like so I am quite busy pacing, panting and shaking like a Polaroid picture.

Also my ma ape has pictures of me being ADORABLE trapped in the camera but some of you have inquired about my health and I will post in spite of my lack of new pics. So I will tell you that yesterday my vet called and said that my tests came back and I look as good on the INSIDE as I do on the OUTSIDE and you all know how impressive my outside is!

A reminder:

It appears that my ma ape is even more high strung than the two sheppys combined. He prescribed more quarts of ice cream to be applied directly to my innards via my mouth.