Mi Familia, By Otis

This is a part of an ongoing series to tell you more about me, Otis the POTUS. I will continue this series until OBST's jelly gets the best of him and he steals back the keyboard.

The question: Where do you come from? A shelter? Rescue? (Questions from Sketcher & Angel and Ike)

Well, I will give you a clue: I have been featured on SPCA Saturday before! Indeed you can read about my first appearance here! I came in with a bunch of other big pitties w/butchered ears as a part of a cruelty case.. We were there around the same time as Jughead, though I'm not related to him. Here's my first pho-to at the SPCA! And then, meet my sibbies! (All now adopted!)

Quin! He was the last to get adopted because he had heartworms and so he was at the SPCA for a long time. (This is top secret but Quin visited MY house but he was not fond of the sheppys so he decided not to stay).

This is brudder without a name (or a decent photo). He got adopted with a quickness.

And--hey!--it's my brudder Angus! He's a real looker.

And this gorgeous babe is Petunia. She came to the SPCA with a very special gift.


BABIES! (And I assert now they are NOT MY BABIES).

Even if they are nearly as handsome as my fine self.

We were all signed over to the SPCA by our superbad owner but I was there for a long time because I had a bellyfull of worms and infected eyes AND ears AND skin and then when they neutered me, well, there was swelling of a most unbecoming sort. But then I was adopted out! This is me just before my adopteration (and 15+ pounds less than I am now)!

And last Monday the ma ape visited the SPCA. She was walking dogs and thinking about getting a wee puppy to bring a little joy into her life. But there I was, having just been returned by my adopters who said they "didn't have time for me." And so, instead of a baby, she came home with something better! An arthritic, gassy, slightly smelly 10+ year old dude. When the ape went through the archives to see my earliest appearances, she found this post in which Wally called me his brindle brother. And if you read the comments, many of you had premonitions that I would wind up in this very house.

Maybe Wally knew that some day I'd wind up at his house because his ma ape sure has a weakness for old men with great expressions. And big ass heads brains.


Miss ya, brudder from the same ma ape mudder, as Randi said.

St. Wally's Feast!

Today is Boxing Day and also St. Stephen's Feast and my good pal Gus has written me a wonderful tune to celebrate the day on which we are to give prezzies to the less fortunate. You can find the lyrics on his blog and sing along as you look at these pictures of me enjoying my pawliday.

On Christmas Eve my Auntie Claus arrived from Sweden the North Pole and brought good cheer and prezzies for all. I felt good enough to eat a chew with both of my teeth!

And I got a new buffalo that I can wear as a snazzy faux fur coat.

Or vanquish with great relish.

And because I have been extra special good I got ANOTHER lamb leg!

Which my ma ape did butcher with great skill and flourish (and a little bit of gagging). WARNING: GRAPHIC MEATY PHOTO! And yes, that is a bloody band-aid from where she did nearly butcher a bit of her hand.







It has been much fun and also much work to keep track of my pack so I am in great need of a nap here on my nest of a monkey stick, my ma ape's coat that I pulled off the couch, and a Best Friends bag from my besties in the Brat Pack. Ahhhhh.

I hope everyone remembers the less fortunate today. My ape has purchased some bags of supplies to give to the dogs at the SPCA in honor of Gus and his mad songwriting skills. May all dogs follow in my footsteps to find wonderful new homes:

Therefore, all ye dogs, be sure,
Wealth or rank possessing,
Ye who now will bless the poor,
Shall yourselves find blessing.

Dr. Uncle Eric IN THE HOUSE!

This is an image closing resembling one of my favorite naked apes, ONKEL ERIC who now we must refer to DR. ONKEL ERIC. He defended his disscombobulation today and became a PhDog.


Congrats, Onkel Eric, I am wearing my S**T happens sweatshirt because no one is a more awesome pessimist than you...but then s**t happened!

Happy Burpday Onkel Eric!

Why am I singing? Because tomorrow is a very important day! It is my Onkel Eric's BURPDAY! And I am singing "You loooook like a monkey and you smellll llike one tooooooo!" But my Onkel will not be offended because he loves apes. My Onkel Eric always complains that I am spoiled but I think he's just jealous. Well, I know that my Auntie Ira (she of the abundant pastrami!) will spoil him on his burpday. As I gift I would like to volunteer to write the final chapter of your dis-hurt-station. It will go a little something like this:

While all of this stuff about postmodern American literature is quite interesting it is clear that the novel as a form has been displaced by a new and far superior literary form: THE DOGBLOG. (excessive footnotes to be added). The heterotopic space of fragmented subjectivities a will be replaced by a dogotopia in which linear notions of time and bounded space shall be replaced by the immediacy of canine experience . Human metanarratives and the rejection of those metanarratives will be remembered as mere anti-nostalgia for a time when anyone gave a crap what the naked apes said and did, a dark time before the rise of the dog-centric narratives in which the time is always now, the place is always here, and the food bowl is always full.

There, DONE! Let's eat and drink! I'm pretty good at this academic crap And if that doesn't work, maybe this dude can lend you a hand:

Things My Granny Learned

Now that the grands have left I have had time to reflect on all the things they learned from ME while they were here. I had so many things to show them. I showed them my field where they learned how to take pictures of my handsome mug.


And my gramps went to Philly and he learned how to play Rocky.


And my granny is really good at roaching only she calls it "YOGA" when she rolls around on her back grunting. So I showed her some new "yoga" moves with some mighty fine roachin'.


And my granny gave me and my sissy some blankets for cleaning us. Does she think we're dirty? I think my blanket works best as an Obi Wan Kenobi outfit.


I showed my granny how to nap on the Grammie Blankie! And look at my ever so subtle snaggle.


And then I showed my granny how she can fix my broken stuffies!


And then I showed her how I break them!


And I showed her how gently I take the baby carrots.


And how I eat lamb bones during the Seahawks game! Munch munch. Losing makes me hungry!


I hope you had a good visit granny. Come back soon so you can learn even more from me. (PS. The moose is STILL on the loose! I haven't broken it yet).

Oh no! I lost my granny!

Oh no! My granny and gramps got lost this morning. I saw them getting into a car with their bags. They were last seen heading toward the airport!


And look what happened after they left. The sun disappeared and Delaware turned WHITE.


See how sad I am.


Granny, I will miss sharing yogurt with you in the morning. And getting presents from you. And being told how big my head is. And napping on the couches. And next time you bring presents please don't forget that my sissy is the one that dropped disgusting damp tennis balls in your lap while I guarded your luggage so no one would steal it. Also, gramps, thanks for the lambables, our power breakfast.

Gott Nytt Ar!

Happy New Year to my Onkel Eric in Sverige! (Sweden!) He gets to the new year before I do. Since he is IN THE FUTURE I thought I would show him the future where we can walk on two feets!



Be afraid, be very afraid Onkel Eric! Your counters will never be safe again...

Santa Paws Cometh!

Christmas is my favorite holiday (other than my burpday--coming soon!) because 1) my apes are at home and 2) I get presents 3) we get tasty food!

So our stockings were hung (from the plant hangers because we have no chimney. And also if they weren't 7 feet in the air we'd get into them):


Look at all that stuff! But why does it say "Naughty"?


Earlier this month I got a Chanukah bear. I like to celebrate all holidays especially when they involve things that squeak:


And then look what my granny got me:


A new mooshy bed! So comfy...Zzzzzzz...



But no napping yet! There are presents to open. Here's sissy cracking open the stocking:

It's a whole stocking full of her favorite thing! (Well, other than me)--tennis balls!


And she got a squeaky football that she--mercifully--punctured within 5 minutes:


And what's in my stocking?


Santa Weenie!


Sadly, Santa Weenie was a bit of a weenie. And he did not last long. Goodbye Santa Weenie (9:11-9:17 a.m. 12/25/07)


And then Sissy had to put on the antlers! Hahahahahahaha!


She loved them, as you can see.


This is what I got my ma ape. Big fuzzy slippers and 64 oz cup for coffee!


Here's some perspective on the size of the cup. It's as big as my head! Whoa. That should last her until noon maybe.


Here I am with my whole haul of holiday crap. I was so good this year! Who knew!


And then to finish it off we had some beefy wishbones.


And for all of you--here is your Holiday Smooch complete with beefy breath!

Happy Holidays my friends!