A Theory of Justice

My ape and Gus's ape spend a lot of time reading and writing about ethics which is quite silly because, as the news has been reporting, dogs have fairness entirely figured out.

Scientists in Austria report in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that a dog may stop obeying a command if it sees that another dog is getting a better deal.

In this way dogs may be showing a sensitivity that is similar to, although perhaps more primitive than, that shown by chimpanzees and some monkeys. Until now those primates were the only nonhumans to show what is called “inequity aversion” in the absence of a reward.

Fairness? Sorted. I can haz tenure now?

Happy Burpday Onkel Eric!

Why am I singing? Because tomorrow is a very important day! It is my Onkel Eric's BURPDAY! And I am singing "You loooook like a monkey and you smellll llike one tooooooo!" But my Onkel will not be offended because he loves apes. My Onkel Eric always complains that I am spoiled but I think he's just jealous. Well, I know that my Auntie Ira (she of the abundant pastrami!) will spoil him on his burpday. As I gift I would like to volunteer to write the final chapter of your dis-hurt-station. It will go a little something like this:

While all of this stuff about postmodern American literature is quite interesting it is clear that the novel as a form has been displaced by a new and far superior literary form: THE DOGBLOG. (excessive footnotes to be added). The heterotopic space of fragmented subjectivities a will be replaced by a dogotopia in which linear notions of time and bounded space shall be replaced by the immediacy of canine experience . Human metanarratives and the rejection of those metanarratives will be remembered as mere anti-nostalgia for a time when anyone gave a crap what the naked apes said and did, a dark time before the rise of the dog-centric narratives in which the time is always now, the place is always here, and the food bowl is always full.

There, DONE! Let's eat and drink! I'm pretty good at this academic crap And if that doesn't work, maybe this dude can lend you a hand: