Eating the Fruitables

I got some SHOCKING news from my BFF the Shermanator. He told me he thinks fruitables are STUPID. I figure--if he doesn't like fruitables he must not be doing it right. So here is my tutorial on enjoying the fruitables.

here I am with a chunk of Wallymelon. I take it gently from the hand of the ape:


Munch enthusiastically.


Ahhhh. The face of a satisfied customer.


Here I am with appleables.


And this is my best apple chewing face.

Do you think you can do it now, Sherman?

Sundays are for Smooshing

As suggested, I am working on the cover art for my new book Inside Wally's Melon. And by "I" am working on it, I mean Mr. J has fired up his Photoshop and is working in the Wally-directed sweatshop in our living room (no Daily Show until it is done, Mister!) My book is the memoir of a dog forced to live in a world (temporarily) ruled by the naked apes (until the era of President Ernest is ushered in). I am thinking about having a chapter on some of my favorite recipes. We do BARF (Biologically Appropriate Raw Foods) so many of my recipes would read: "Take quail out of package. Hand quail to Wally" which is what I did for dinner. However, my ma ape imagines herself to be a Canine Gourmet (chef FOR canines, not OF!) and makes wonderfully complicated potions that include loads of supplements and assorted add-ons. So I'll give you a preview some of my favorites that we made on Sunday. And by "we" I mean I cracked the whip while my ma ape worked in the kitchen-sweatshop.

First is VEGGIE SMOOSH. These are some of the things that go into it:


Basically most vegetables are good, though NO ONIONS and my ma ape limits some veggies (like maters and eggplantables and green pepperables) because they can aggravate inflammation like arfritis (which I have). My ma ape always adds a little garlic. There's some info out there that garlic is bad for us but also a lot of info that it's good for us and some places even sell garlic and brewer's yeast tablets for preventing creepy crawlies. In large quantities, garlic may cause anemia but if you look at most high-end dog foods they contain some garlic. We did not get that WHOLE head of garlic. Above you also see kale greens, cukes, zucchini, and parsley.

Now, the problem with this veggie garden is that we dogables do not digest whole vegetables well but mooshing them makes them more "bioavailable." So my ma ape puts 'em in a blender with some chicken broth (mmmmm) and whole eggs. WHOLE EGGS??? Yup--the shells have loads of calci-yum.


Then she puts them into ice cube trays and makes freezable veggie cubables. (May also add nutritional yeast, flax seed, blackstrap molasses before freezing or, splash with Apple Cider Vinegar in bowl.)

Next comes FROOT SMOOOSH.


WALLYMELON! and Bananas, mangoables, and cherriables and blueberries (not pictured). Fruitables have loads of anti-ox-idants. I explainted to my ma ape that I might want oxes cuz they might have bull pizzle that I could catch and send to GooberStan but ma ape said These Oxes are Bad. She adds frozen cherries. Cherriables are supposed to have anti-inflammatory properties--good for dogs with arfritis (me!). She gets frozen cuz they're cheaper. A commenter came by to warn about diabetables (and I think warned Pippa too) but froot is perfectly good for us in moderate quantities. Canine diabetes is mostly genetic and can be brought on by being overweight but I'm not. And my sissy is a skinny minny.

I had to taste test the Wallymelon:



It meets my standards so into the blenderable for moooshin!

Pour into ice cube trays and into the freezer. In the freezerable there are bags of opaque brown cubes (frosty paws!), transparent brown cubes (brothables), red cubes (froot smoosh) and green cubes (veggie smoosh!). My ma ape got a BIG freezer to hold our meatables so she would have room in her peoplefreezer for her gardenburgers and Soy Delicious and Morningstar farms snausage but now her freezer is full of CUBES! Haha!

Now, here is one of the tastiest dishes that I know and love!


Yup, that's my girl SA-MAN-THA! from the Brat Pack. And yes, she is eating Wallymelon. Now excuse me, I have to go fan myself.

Wally's New Stuff, pt. 3

Look! It's the VEGGIE KILLER. It is on the right. It grinds up the vegetables and the fruit-ables that go with my meat-ables for dinner! The ma ape has to grind them up into mush with a little chicken broth that she puts with my meats because my sissy is picky and doesn't like vegetables. Also, grinding them up makes them more bio-available for dog bellies. Whatever that means. Tastier, I hope. My ma ape told me that the VEGGIE KILLER came from the Amazon which is a long way to come. It's also strange because we get a lot of books from the Amazon. They're very busy down there.

On the left is the margaritarator. It grinds up the ice and the tequila which we do not get with our meats no matter how much we beg.

Here's where the vegetables live and some day we will eat them (some day, unless the ma ape's black thumb kills 'em). It's hard to see from the picture but there are okras, peppers, tomatoes eggplants, garlic chives, cilantros and basils. I like ALL of these things.

Here's a teeny tiny tomato bud! I keep my eye on it every day to watch it grow. One day it will be a grown-up tomato. And then I will eat it.

And before you think I'm vegematarian, here's a picture of me eating some chicken in a lovely bed of green. My right ear is all goopy from my ear medication.

And here is my sissy eating her sexy(chicken)back. She is not so ladylike when she eats. She learned from the best (me!)