Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Hot Dog


That is the face of a Hot Dog. You already knew I was smokin' hot--like George Clooney, or Boo--but I am also too d*mn hot temperature wise. Stupid global warming. Every day in August has been over 90. EVERY DAY.

My granny sent me this story from the Times today with the stupid title "Think your dog is smart, his collar may be smarter" which is stupid because nothing--not an iPhone, not my ma ape, not a Rhodes Scholar, not even a dolphin--is smarter than me. The story is about GPS collars that help you keep track of your dog. I guess it is helpful for hunting dogs and what not. Since my granny seems awfully concerned about my whereabouts (I know, granny, is is hard to be away from your favorite boy) I thought I would give her a written approximation:

4:15 a.m. Wake up the ma ape with a barely perceptible and pathetic whine
4:20-5 a.m. Go for walk, pant heavily, come home.
5:00-5:00:30: Eat breakfast
5 a.m.-6 a.m. Go back to bed.
6 a.m.-8 a.m. Take a nap at the top of the stairs
8 a.m.-8:01 Beg for snacks, get jack squat
8:01-10 a.m. Sleep in the basement
10:00-10:01: Run outside, speed pee, come back inside
10:01-2 p.m. Sleep in the basement some more
2:00-2:15 p.m. Go outside with the ma ape, watch her pick tomatoes, harass the neighbor, pant, come inside and get whiting snack
2:15-2:20 Kill the Big Yellow Wiener Dog Squeaky
2:20-5p.m. Post-kill nap on the couch
5:00-5:02 p.m. Whine very perceptively, go outside, eat chicken breast
5:02-present: nap on the ma ape's feets.

I DO need a GPS device to track my stealthy moves, I think. I'm exhausted just thinking about my day. I need a nap.

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19 Comments:

Blogger Ruby Bleu said...

Wow Wally, you ARE a busy boy, aren't you. I think you got the hot Sacratomato weather because it's been really nice and cool hear. So sorry...I didn't mean to steal your weather!

Lots of Licks, Ruby

5:37 PM  
Blogger Gus said...

Hey Wally, sounds like my day, except I didn't have a big yellow toy to kill. Had to make do with a chew.

5:43 PM  
Blogger Frasypoo said...

Its hot here too.Over a 100 dgrees I think with bad air quality !
We have to cool off all day
Frasier

5:49 PM  
Blogger Tofu Burger said...

Freakin' eh Wally Man! I barely got thru reading your schedule...I think you can cut the pickin' tomatoes part out at 215pm and extend your nap. Why get up? Your ma ape is gonna be pickin' your tomatoables anyways. Leave it for your minions.

6:08 PM  
Blogger Peanut said...

Holy Moly you do a ton every day. I just lay around and sleep.

6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoa, Wally! Slow down. We're exhausted just reading about your day...

Gomer & Opie

8:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoa, Wally! Slow down. We're exhausted just reading about your day...

Gomer & Opie

8:03 PM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

You get up at 4:15?! Does your ma ape get up with you? Geez. That seems a bit insane, even to me. I'm all about the sleeping in. Unless there's some food. Is this because of the heat?

8:11 PM  
Blogger Suki said...

Wow, Wally, I am amazed that your ma ape agrees to get up that early. I have to whine and bark just to get her up by 7:30!

Yeah, this hot weather sucks. I think I'm gonna tell my Mom to get me a life vest so I can go swimming at the doggy beach.

Puggy kisses
Suki

8:26 PM  
Blogger Luckie Girl said...

Hey Wally,
Do you have a PDA to plan your daily schedule? You sure are one busy fellow!

8:35 PM  
Blogger Ike said...

I don't know how you get enough real sleep with that busy schedule. Really Wally, you're no spring chicken - it's time to take care of yourself. 4:15am is a little early even for me.
Ike

9:02 PM  
Blogger The Brat Pack said...

WTH?? You can get her up at 4 am to walk you??? Mom gets up at 6 for Thrawns pills and I don't think she opens her eyes the whole time. He's lucky he's not on her birth control by now by accident.

We're in awe of your ape training skills.

TBP

10:05 PM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Wally.
Does your ma ape is happy with you waking her up at such time in the morning??? Is she used to that??
I like your very well organized schedule! Busy day!
Have a good night
Lorenza

10:06 PM  
Blogger Kerrio said...

You'd never make a lurcher Wally, you don't sleep enough! (and your legs re too short but lets gloss over that one)

12:38 AM  
Blogger Joe Stains said...

I need a nap just READING about your day, although it is WAY hotter here!

1:44 AM  
Blogger Maggie said...

Isn't this heat the WORST!!!! We can't use our basement because dad's got too much junk down there! Mom says it's possibly the best spot in the house right now. awwwwwwww dad!

Love ya lots,
Maggie

4:24 AM  
Blogger Girl Girl Hamster said...

You sure are a very busy doggie Wally

~ Girl girl

4:24 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...

Woober butt,

Do you use an alarmable to get up or do you have your own internal clockable that wakes you up?

All I can say is, WHOA! You are one scheduled pup boy! Sure you don't have some extra time in there to go to Barber school or earn a degree in taxidermy?

Goober love,
Stanley

9:05 AM  
Blogger Amber-Mae said...

You are a very busy dog unlike me. I sleep the whole day coz there's nothing to do at home...It's very hot here too. Don't worry, your country's not the only one that's melting, mine is too. Hehehe!

Love licks,
Solid Gold Dancer

5:01 AM  

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