Thursday, August 09, 2007

The Money Pit

My Granny sent me this MSNBC story about how much you apes spend on us pets ($41 billion/year--ie, NOT ENOUGH!). She wanted to know if I am going to get NEUTICLES--prosthetic testicles (cuz that's what the story opened with). I'm shocked! Shocked! That's personal, granny. Any bodily functions, inappropriate humping, my big ass, and my dirty dreams are all fair play but not my, um, missing bits!

Just kidding. I have no shame; I'll talk about anything including my phantom testicles. But let's talk about this $41 billion. I'm a little annoyed that they lumped together high-quality food, training, vet bills, and day-care/kenneling with neuticles, Hermes bags, and plastic surgery as similarly extravagant (and perhaps silly) expenses. Sure, you apes have a tendency to project your lifestyle onto us but I'm not so sure that wanting us to eat well is equivalent to making us wear a $4000 collar. I hate how these stories throw out the most bizarre possible examples in order to make ALL pet owners sound a little batty. And some of their examples of "plastic surgery"--like for droopy eyes or rhinoplasty--are done for medical reasons (cherry eye, breathing problems, etc.) I mean, some people live with goddamn CATS and the dog owners are the crazy ones?

But I did learn--they will do LIPO on dogs. For Pete's.

I think my ma ape might spend 40 billion of those dollars on our toys, foodables, furminator, vet bills, and football jerseys. But there's a simple reason:

Could you say no to these faces? My ma ape sure can't. But I don't want any neuticles.

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20 Comments:

Blogger Ferndoggle said...

You two do look pretty irresistible in that picture. 40 million could buy a lot of chicken backs!!

Real Dogs don't need no neuticles.

7:37 AM  
Blogger Gus said...

Yup, irresistable individually and in combination. You and Ethel got the moxie!

9:06 AM  
Blogger Buko, Jackson, and Narra said...

We suggest neuticles made of gold--so when people say you've got 'em, you can show them they're right!

9:16 AM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Wally.
Those neuticles don't sound right!
With those faces your ma ape would spend all she as in you!
Besos
Lorenza

10:22 AM  
Blogger Randi said...

Hi Wally!
Don't give into the hype! You are manly enough as it is! Yep - my brother Dublin & I were rescues..I'll have to post about our rescue stories sometime soon. Have a great day Wally!
Love & Licks,
Randi

11:34 AM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

My own ma ape so can't resist your handsome mug, Wally, that's she's almost ready to spring for your neuticals herself, if you decide you really need them. Personally, I think you're man enough and she should just send you some more cookies.

12:21 PM  
Blogger Deefor said...

I couldn't say no! Too bad it's becoming my family's favorte word around here. No neuticles for us. Sound scary.

Deefor

12:53 PM  
Blogger Momo :) said...

Hi Wally and nice to meet you. I found you on Buster's blog and wanted to come here and say HELLO! :) 40millions could buy so many icecream!! I just had one and can't stop thinking about it.

Momo xoxo

3:24 PM  
Blogger Rowan The Dog said...

Hey, Wally... I'm with you on neuticles dude.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

Love,

Rowan

4:41 PM  
Blogger Princess, Tank and Isaac: The Newfs of Hazard said...

Hey Wally! You've been posting some pretty cute faces! So tell us the name of these delicious snackable sso we can make our dad get some for us! If you'r efeeling bad about your missing boy bits, look closely at Tank's entry to Nanook's contest. There's a message of hope for you between the rear legs of the dog melting on the box to the left. He was the only neutered dog who's picture we used. Have a great week!

6:59 PM  
Blogger Suki said...

Neuticles are just creepy. Why? Why do that to a dog? Seriously...

I wonder how much my Mom has contributed to that amount. Probably a lot. Half, at least ;)

Puggy kisses
Suki

8:23 PM  
Blogger Dory the Lab said...

Oh my word!! My human fainted when she read 41 million dollars. For that kinda money the rescue group who saved me could make a whole lotta labs happier that is for sure.

BTW - Toys and kibble, 41 million dollars, you and ethel - PRICELESS!!

Love ya - Dory and Mac

8:59 PM  
Blogger Bernard Hinault Lilje said...

I say they don't spend enough!! I've heard of celebrities spending more on a house!! I say we protest--demanding more treaties(not neuticals).

Bernard

11:32 PM  
Blogger Stanley said...

Woober Butt!

I think your public has spoken... Neuticals OUT
Eatables IN!!

You are dogly enough just as you are! (Nice faces of you and the sissy).

Goober love,
Stanley

1:26 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...

Pee Ess

My girl agrees with Sophie's mom. You're hard to resist - brains and a nice big booty too! Whew! She thinks you're the cutest corgador she's ever seen!

(You've got to know I'm rolling my eyes here - I'm just typing as she dictates).

Goober love,
Stanley (for my girl)

1:33 AM  
Blogger Grammie said...

I think 40 billion is better spent on our pets than on some of the nonsense that money gets spent on. Some it could be passed on to education and adequate health care though. You and Ethel are always cuties!

5:47 AM  
Blogger Jackson said...

Hey pal, those neuticles sound GROSS! I'm still all dog even without my boybits.

7:51 AM  
Blogger Jake of Florida said...

We're with you on this: not enough is spent on rescue and caring for dogs in need while mega bucks get spent on fancy collars, glitzy clothes, fake body parts, etc.

And stories like this do not help our cause. They just tip the balance away from the abandoned and
towards the starlets, as $$$ signs light up in the eyes of greedy merchants.

You got the adrenalin flowing, Wally!!

Jake and Just Harry

7:55 AM  
Blogger Frasypoo said...

That report and the general combining of all pet owners is what makes people think we are batty!!
We could' nt resist those faces too!!
Frasier

11:50 AM  
Blogger Katherine and Pippa, said...

I hope Ethel knows I don't need neuticles....

Perhaps that's what she's thinking of...

Pippa

1:49 PM  

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