Hot Dog

That is the face of a Hot Dog. You already knew I was smokin' hot--like George Clooney, or Boo--but I am also too d*mn hot temperature wise. Stupid global warming. Every day in August has been over 90. EVERY DAY.

My granny sent me this story from the Times today with the stupid title "Think your dog is smart, his collar may be smarter" which is stupid because nothing--not an iPhone, not my ma ape, not a Rhodes Scholar, not even a dolphin--is smarter than me. The story is about GPS collars that help you keep track of your dog. I guess it is helpful for hunting dogs and what not. Since my granny seems awfully concerned about my whereabouts (I know, granny, is is hard to be away from your favorite boy) I thought I would give her a written approximation:

4:15 a.m. Wake up the ma ape with a barely perceptible and pathetic whine
4:20-5 a.m. Go for walk, pant heavily, come home.
5:00-5:00:30: Eat breakfast
5 a.m.-6 a.m. Go back to bed.
6 a.m.-8 a.m. Take a nap at the top of the stairs
8 a.m.-8:01 Beg for snacks, get jack squat
8:01-10 a.m. Sleep in the basement
10:00-10:01: Run outside, speed pee, come back inside
10:01-2 p.m. Sleep in the basement some more
2:00-2:15 p.m. Go outside with the ma ape, watch her pick tomatoes, harass the neighbor, pant, come inside and get whiting snack
2:15-2:20 Kill the Big Yellow Wiener Dog Squeaky
2:20-5p.m. Post-kill nap on the couch
5:00-5:02 p.m. Whine very perceptively, go outside, eat chicken breast
5:02-present: nap on the ma ape's feets.

I DO need a GPS device to track my stealthy moves, I think. I'm exhausted just thinking about my day. I need a nap.

Hate your Vick and Eat Him Too

Here's a Michael Vick chew toy! Some of the profits will go to the Jacksonville Humane Society. No word on when you bite it if it says "OVERRATED." Haha!

Dog(s) Dancing

My sissy and I are thinking about auditioning for So You Think You Can Dance next summer. What do you think?


Our specialty is rumba. Just because I like to say RRRRRRRRRRRRUM-BA!

Weekendable Eatables

Hi to all my pals that I got to chat with this morning and to those I missed. I chatted about my breakfast and I realized that I talk a lot about what I eat. I can't help it. I love my food. More than anything except maybe my ma ape. And that's a maybe.

Yesterday I got ICE CREAM so my ma ape said we had to eat healthy today. So what did we get?

What's that there, then, ma ape?


Ooooooh....salmon skinables.


Gimme gimme gimme!


Why yes, it tastes as good as it looks AND smells.


The look of bliss.


Are you gonna finish that?

I Scream!

Ok, so there are some totally great entries into the Ice Cream Eating Competition by the North Texas Airedale Rescue but my ma ape wanted to enter us and I had no objections! But I did say--real ice cream! None of that Soy Delicious stuff that you eat! So my ma ape went out and got us some SCREAM! She got some "low-fat frozen yogurt" for me. That must be for dogs who have LOW FAT. Like me! So we got dessert for dinner!


Here I am telling the soda jerk to HURRY UP with my cone!


My sissy and I wait (not so) patiently. She looks HUGE, I look TINY!

Aaaand...we're off! (Sorry about the picture quality. Photos at dusk are not such a great idea).


Ooooh--I figured out RIGHT AWAY that I wanted the WHOLE THING in my mouth and I tried to get it there.


Mmmmrrrrph.


Gimme that cone!


Slurp! All gone. What? This is a photo contest and not a speed contest? Ooops.

My sissy took her time licking delicately.


Slurp. She didn't figure out that she could EAT the cone so she was licking all delicately.


I generously offered to help.


Now she's got it.


Mmmm. There should be more ice cream eating competitions, I think! Don't forget to go check out the GREAT entries! So much fun...but don't lick the screen. You can't actually taste the ice cream that way. I learned that the hard way.

Too Hot To Handle

The title of the post sounds like it is about me but I am actually talking about the weather. It is hot, humid, and awful. Look, even my sissy who NEVER stops moving, takes it easy in the outside. Obviously so does my ma ape since the lawn needs to be mowed! She's so embarrassing.



And I have to DIG to find a comfy spot to rest. (Note: we don't actually spend all day in the outside. Far from it. We try to find respite from the heat after being out there for 2-3 minutes! Then we run inside as fast as we can and go sit in front of the fan. Ahhhhh.)


Here is something that likes the heat--our Oprah plants! (Someone asked if okras are the same as ladyfingers--yup! They are not actually the fingers of ladies, though.) And the beeables like the oprah flowers.


Oooooh. Pretty. The Oprah plants are taller than my ma ape now (which is not saying much, let me tell you).


And our maters are running wild! The mater plants have outgrown their crates and are spilling out all over. Like me, they don't like being in cratables and want to run free.


Soooo...what is the best thing for this heat? ICE CREAM, of course! And the Airedale Rescue of North Texas is having a competition that my lazy ma ape keeps forgetting about! You can read about it and enter your own picture here. I scream, you scream, get off your bum and get me ice cream, ma ape!

Ichiro is all right

I know my pal Peanut, a fellow Moaner fan, will agree with me when I say Ichiro RULES. He plays for the Seattle Moaners and recently signed a 5-year deal to stay in Seattle. His primary advisor? His dog Ikky, of course. Quoth the Ichiro:

"He said, 'Woof, woof, woof,' which meant, 'Stay, stay, stay,' " Suzuki told reporters in Japanese. "Of course, I listened."

Eating the Fruitables

I got some SHOCKING news from my BFF the Shermanator. He told me he thinks fruitables are STUPID. I figure--if he doesn't like fruitables he must not be doing it right. So here is my tutorial on enjoying the fruitables.

here I am with a chunk of Wallymelon. I take it gently from the hand of the ape:


Munch enthusiastically.


Ahhhh. The face of a satisfied customer.


Here I am with appleables.


And this is my best apple chewing face.

Do you think you can do it now, Sherman?

Musings.

My granny sent me this story to point out that I don't need a job--I already have one! I am a muse to a great female artist! Or, at least, to my ma ape who is, ahem, um, a female. The story reviews a new book:

"Shaggy Muses: The Dogs Who Inspired Virginia Woolf, Emily Dickinson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Edith Wharton and Emily Bronte" (Ballantine Books, 281 pages $24.95), by Maureen Adams: Countless lovers who, lacking their own voice, relied on Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous "Sonnets From the Portuguese" to woo their beloved should mutter silent thanks to a cocker spaniel named Flush.

Without the plucky pup's timely intervention, one of England's greatest poets might have succumbed to depression and never penned the immortal line, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."

Flush's contribution to Victorian literature is one of five short biographies in "Shaggy Muses," which details the profound and often unexplored influence a handful of canine companions had on five of the greatest voices in women's literature.

Here I am hard at work, being inspiring:

Newfs Falling from the Sky!

My granny sent me this story about Newfs (and Labbies) working the beaches of Italy! No, not in bikinis (darn it!) but as rescue dogs, sometimes being dropped by helicopters to save those helpless humans.

Scores of specially trained dogs have been deployed as lifeguards on Italy's busiest beaches this summer.

The dogs, mostly of the Newfoundland or Labrador breeds, are trained to jump out of helicopters and boats and swim to the rescue of struggling swimmers.

They are credited with having saved several lives by taking lifebuoys to swimmers and towing them to safety.

Hmmm...I think we'd better go check this out! Nanook & Pooka, the Newfs of Hazard, Dory & Mac, and Bear--let's go to Italy and find out what's going on on these beaches. Road trip! Bring your bikinis!