Otis's Pit Boo Workout Routine

This week The New York Times ran a story called Forget the Treadmill Get a Dog about how DOGS are the best workout partners EVAH.  Much better than your fellow apes.  I have decided to monetize this idea to pay for some more snacks by developing an extra magnificent workout routine that you can do at home for the low low price of $1.99, deposited directly into my account at the pet food store.  Put on your legwarmers and headband and let's MOVE IT!

For these next moves I am going to recruit my friend and fitness model Blu from the Delaware SPCA.  Aaaaaannnnddd...

 JUMP!

 Yes, Blu is trying to catch mulch!

For perspective, that fence is a good 7 feet tall.

 And that ape getting the workout hurling the mulch is a good 6'3"

I totally could have done this maneuver but I thought I'd let Blu have his moment in the sun.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 
Now is a demonstration of how I get my heart racing for a little cardio.  

Hey ladies!  I get plenty of exercise in pursuit of love.  

 And now it is time for our cool down.

I recruited the little one for a demonstration of our cool down technique.  ICE CREAMS!  (Note how OBST is always lurking in the background.)

Slobber vigorously and swallow quickly to ensure total brain freeze, the appropriate end to a good cool down.

Did you enjoy this workout?  Then send me some money so I can buy more ice creams!

What are Weekends for?

As many of you know, my ma ape abandons me every weekend to go spoil dogs at the SPCA. Last weekend she went to see Mamma Mia! and then went out to dinner and then there was a gas leak (at the restaurant, not in my ma ape) and so it took really long because they had to evacuate. You'd think she'd learn her lesson but last night she abandoned me AGAIN to go out for sushi. Here's my feelings on the matter:

So this morning I demanded a good walkie! Here's my leadout crew.

I'm thinking about getting a chariot. Then they could pull Caesar Wally! Here's a bee that I saw. I thought it might be the one that stung Ernest but this guy swore innocence so I didn't rough him up.

I had to teach the Big O a thing or two about roachin'


He has so much to learn.


But then it was time for the big suck-up. Bones! Look--Oscar conserves energy by eating lying down.


I see the early signs of doofusism setting in.


So tasty. But then we were interrupted by THUNDER BOOMERS. Jerks.

There'd better be something good planned for next weekend. Bones, roaching, ice cream, walkies, and NO THUNDER BOOMERS.

Diet Diary: Day Two

The diet continues. See how happy I am?


I am so hungry I have been reduced to eating grass!


This morning I ate so much grass I barfed two times. I asked my ma ape if I developed an eating disorder if she'd give me more food. She rolled her eyes at me.

So I'm working out. Some jumping.


And jogging.

I hope I don't pass out from the hunger.

Doggy Personal Trainers

Speed Demon!

The Times has an article today about dogrunners, people hired to take other peoples' dogs for runs in order to exhaust them.

The couple found their own dog runner, but in a growing number of cities one merely has to ask around a dog park or search Google to find one. At a time when affluent dog owners coddle their pets with massage, antidepressants and spa vacations, it’s not surprising that dogs have the equivalent of personal trainers.

“Dog running went from unheard of to über-hip,” said William Sharp, a part-time dog walker in San Francisco. “People like telling their friends, ‘I have to leave a key for Fifi’s dog runner.’ It’s far more sexy than ‘dog walker,’ which is so yesterday.” His business is down because, he said, “The runners are literally leaving me in the dust.”

This would be good for my overexcitable sissy but I'd prefer a personal chef to a personal trainer. I guess I do have a personal walker AND personal chef I call "Ma Ape" but maybe I should look into a professional.

doga

my granny is a retired microbiologist/current yoga instructor and she sent me think link to a yoga pose that is totally ripped off from me!


this site calls this pose (a variation on downward-facing-dog) the "fire hydrant pose" or "tinkling dog".

here i am doing my regular doga exercise, having perfected this pose a long time ago note my impressive form. i stay in good shape with regular doga practice. tinkling dog is one of my favorite, though i am also partial to "hunchback wally" that is followed by my mawma's yoga pose "the poop bagger."