neW seCRetaRY NEEded

I need some serious help. My ma ape is generally pretty worthless but she's rendered herself more useless than usual.

She mooshed her fingers.


Her MIDDLE finger! She has lost a major communication device.

Typing I mean. Hehe. I will be accepting applications. In the meantime she is doing the ole hunt and peck. It is a slow and annoying process.

The Biggest Loser!

What do these three things have in common?

1. Mitt ("Rhymes with something else") Romney?
2. The last stitch in my owie that I did not remove myself.
3. That guy on Project Runway who cried all the time.


They're OUT!

While Mitt Romney was QUITTING the Presidential race, I was going to the vet because I had one stitch in that needed to come out.

Who is that waiting patiently in the Feminine Mystique?


Wally Tamale!


Do I look different? Here I am on the scale.


And LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!

I lost weight! AAAAND my ma ape said the scale wasn't even zeroed so I might be SKINNIER!


This calls for a celebration! SURF AND TURF, PLEASE!

Sissy Update!

So the ol' pus bucket got her stitchies out on Thursday. And I didn't go but she told me about it. She had gained a whole pound. And then the vet tech pulled out her stitchies in the lobby and my sissy had a secret weapon--she TOOTED on the vet tech! Hahahahahahaha!

Here is her update! She is still all long. (And has a bald patch--hahaha!)

She is still superfast.


And is still crazy as a loon.


Here I am eating a little snow. I'm glad that everyone agreed that I am wasting away. But look! I have to eat snow! (Send snacks!) In fact I ate so much snow it's almost ALL GONE today. Who took our snow???


And I have done a good job catching snowballs.


That is an update on my sissy with a bonus Wally update.

My Coney Island Sissy!

So my sissy went to the vet on Thursday and this is the face she made:

But she got her drain out and she's doing much better. In fact we keep getting in trouble for rasslin' too much. And then my ma ape decided to distract us when we start playing by giving us snackables. And then we figured out we get snackables if we pretend we're rasslin'! Genius! My sissy's injury has put about 10 pounds on me! (OK, exaggeration. That would go RIGHT to my hips.)

But because my sissy was a good girl at the vet we got some puffy pig's ears. My sissy's was HUGE! Like it must have come from HOGZILLA:


And I got one even though I didn't go to the vet but I was a good boy and didn't get into anything the last few days. I didn't even drag stuff out of the bathroom which I do when my ma ape is gone too long so I bring out her shampoo and loofah and what not that's on the edge of the tub and I put it in a pile in the living room.

And then they put a SHIRT that looks like a DRESS on my sissy. She looks like K-Fed! She didn't like it so much.

But mostly me and my sissy have been sticking together like good dogs should. Here we are doing synchronized begging:


And doing some non-intensive dance moves (which, by the way, Scary Spice wuz robbed on Dancing with the Stars--I demand a recount!) And I sing my Barbershop quartet favorite "hello my Coney headed sissy!"


And look what I taught her to do with her eyes! Synchronized alienation!


Yes, we're finding plenty of things to keep us busy.

What also may have happened to Ethel

My granny sent me this picture form the BBC Day in Pictures and asked if that was ME! And I think it IS (um, wearing white socks). That's really what happened to my sissy. She got bitten by a BEAR. And then I bravely chased it off and saved her life. Thank goodness I was there.

Ethel's Owie

OK, first I would like some acknowledgment for being the bravest dog EVER for staying home ALONE yesterday while my sissy was at the vet. I used to have wicked bad separation anxiety but I stayed brave and strong and was home alone and didn't cry or try to escape and I only got into the trash once.

OK, so here are your options for how sissy got a hole in her:

A) A misguided attempt to catch swiss cheese by making a holey outfit
B) Dick Cheney mistook her for an old man
C) She picked fights (yes, multiple) with our friends
D) She bit herself for an excuse to wear a cone-hat like her friend Tuchuck
E) She wanted a tube put in so she could pee like manly ole me

What do you think? (And remember, when it doubt, the most commonly used answer is "C")

So the apes found her hole on Sunday night after our playdate and she had to go to the vet. She had to get ten stitches because the hole was real deep but we were lucky it didn't puncture her stomach (though I was disappointed because what if the food she ate came out that hole and then I could eat it too!). And she has a tube which, as Ike's supersmart vet-care givin' mom observed, is to drain PUS. Sissy is like so gross. And she has to wear a cone (photos to come).

My ma ape is really bummed that this happened because sometimes me and my sissy get really protective of one another so she should have been more careful. And she remembers the last time my BFF Sherman of the Dogs of Jackman Ave got into a fight with his sissies and she said "There but for the grace of Dog go I" and here we are! My sissy and I don't fight and she's fine with some dogs but sometimes she wants to protect me even though I'm a big tough manly man.

Here's Ethel playing with her buddy Tuchuck in less puss-filled times.


And here I am with my girly girl Narra. It may look like I'm pursuing her:

But I caught her checking out my bum!

And she pretends like she's totally weirded out by my alien eyes:

But, really, she just wanted to know how to do it:


Thanks for all the well-wishes for my sissy! I hope she learns her lesson but you know ladies... (Um, my ma ape just asked me if I learned my lesson and told me no more bullies until I apologize to women everywhere. Sorry girls!)

ooooooooof.

it's ethel and i dont even feel like shouting and i like to shout about shouting. i learned that it is all fun and games until someone comes home and looks like this all pouty pouty not shouty shouty. that armband is not a fashion statement. it's from dr. v-e-t. he put needles in me and i wanted to shout but i didn't.


and then i had this and wally says i should warn you that it is grody to the max but he thinks its cool because i'm now frankenethel.



ethel owie below:




yeah, i got myself into big trouble and i'm paying for it today with a big ole puncture wound and nine nine nine ten stitches.

see wally guards my owie owie with his alien eyes. ooooooof. i'll let wally tell you what happened. it didn't involve him fighting off packs of rhinos, though, so don't believe that.

later wally says i have to try on a new hat. that sounds promising. why is he laughing?