Great Google-y Moogly!

Otis the Potus here.  This week I decided to check the little Doohickey McThing on our blog that tells us what searches people are performing in order to arrive at our blog.  This was a terrible idea as it revealed to me what you naked apes are thinking.  You are all awful, really the worst.  Here is what I saw via this little window into your minds:


Rent a Dog

Rent?  No you may own.  Take this dog on the left, please.

Terrible mothers in history and Mommy Dearest

Looking for our ma ape, we see.

Wally lane.

Yes, we live on Wally Lane, though for some reason the pizzas I order to have delivered here never quite make it.

Everybody loves a big ass.

This is true.  Junk, meet trunk.


Snow Wally.

We've got that.

Pooly Dogs

Is this what you're looking for?  My brother in his bathing garb?

Identifying a mutt test

Trying to get smarter?  OK, here's your test:  Which dog is a handsome devil?  (A: Trick question, handsome on the right, devil on the left.)

Another test:  Which mutt is a lady?  (Another trick question:  Neither.  My sissy is no lady!)  


Crime against animality:  Our ape was delighted that the first page this phrase leads you to is an article by Jacques Derrida, granddad of deconstruction.  The second link was us.  We're pretty sure this is what Mr. Derrida was referring to:

Mango ness


WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Oh my.  Coming to our blog looking for a pair of mangoes?

 Or wondering how this handsome brindle boy displays his resemblance to Mango?

All right, all right.  We know from your USUAL searches you are looking for that Mango-ness that none of us gentlemen here have.  The Mango Ness:

 All right, naked apes, there are your search results.  Now you can get back to your googling of bottoms and sheppys in bikinis and what I know you were looking for.

Animal Newz

Sometimes you naked apes have good ideas. And other times you have bad ones. Mostly bad ones. Here are two stories from this week about naked apes and the animal kingdom. And I will leave it to you to decide who is at the top of the evolutionary scale.


From CNN, here's a story about how the British Kennel Club is overhauling their breed standards to ensure better health for the dog-a-boos, especially the English Boo-dog who has been bred to have such exaggeratedly large heads that they can't give vaginal birth and their wrinkles are so bad they can't breathe. Gosh, setting standards on health rather than impossible and dangerous aesthetic standards? Preposterous! Now, when can we get around to doing the same for naked ape ladies?

Story #2 is about the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals who have decided to launch a campaign to rename fish SEA KITTENS. Ahem:

A lot of people don't realize that fish are capable of feeling fear and pain, that they develop relationships with each other, and even show affection by gently rubbing against one another," says Ashley Byrne, PETA's sea kitten campaign co-ordinator. "Knowing that the fish sticks in the school cafeteria are really made out of tortured sea kittens makes most kids want to lose their lunch."

While the depletion of fish in the world is a serious problem, PETA has once again managed to minimize a serious problem in a shameless orgy of self-promotion. Well done! On a stupid scale from Dubya to Lobotomized Squirrel, I give this a Sarah Palin!

And had I known I was eating goddamn cats, er, goddamn sea kittens, all along I would have enjoyed it much more. NOM NOM!

Pigs in Boots!

Cinders, short for Cinderella (of course), has mysophobia or fear of mud! Not good for a pig. So she wears wellies. You can watch here jet around in her booties here. Why? Because it is adorable.

Also, Cinders is now becoming a pet rather than sausage. I imagine we'll see a lot of pigs rooting through closets looking for wellies that fit them.

Political Humor

Because she is a nerd, my ma ape thinks this is funny:



Too obvious, say I. But I'm more for humor that involves cat poo and grossed out apes.