Animal Newz

Sometimes you naked apes have good ideas. And other times you have bad ones. Mostly bad ones. Here are two stories from this week about naked apes and the animal kingdom. And I will leave it to you to decide who is at the top of the evolutionary scale.


From CNN, here's a story about how the British Kennel Club is overhauling their breed standards to ensure better health for the dog-a-boos, especially the English Boo-dog who has been bred to have such exaggeratedly large heads that they can't give vaginal birth and their wrinkles are so bad they can't breathe. Gosh, setting standards on health rather than impossible and dangerous aesthetic standards? Preposterous! Now, when can we get around to doing the same for naked ape ladies?

Story #2 is about the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals who have decided to launch a campaign to rename fish SEA KITTENS. Ahem:

A lot of people don't realize that fish are capable of feeling fear and pain, that they develop relationships with each other, and even show affection by gently rubbing against one another," says Ashley Byrne, PETA's sea kitten campaign co-ordinator. "Knowing that the fish sticks in the school cafeteria are really made out of tortured sea kittens makes most kids want to lose their lunch."

While the depletion of fish in the world is a serious problem, PETA has once again managed to minimize a serious problem in a shameless orgy of self-promotion. Well done! On a stupid scale from Dubya to Lobotomized Squirrel, I give this a Sarah Palin!

And had I known I was eating goddamn cats, er, goddamn sea kittens, all along I would have enjoyed it much more. NOM NOM!