welfare queen spotted in pa

thanks to michael berube for blogging about everyone's favorite senator, rick santorum. my pal rick has called for folks who stayed in new orleans to be fined or charged with a crime:

I mean, you have people who don't heed those warnings and then put people at risk as a result of not heeding those warnings. There may be a need to look at tougher penalties on those who decide to ride it out and understand that there are consequences to not leaving.

he, at the same time, is collecting $38,000/year (thus far totaling more than $100,000) from the state of Pennsylvania to send his kids to charter school so he can live in d.c. without paying the private school tuition himself.

this quote makes me quite proud to be an animal and not a santorum:

My colleague Senator John Ensign of Nevada told me a story that epitomizes the selfishness of our culture: When I was a teenager, I had a sticker in my car with a picture of a bear scratching himself on the tree, and under it was the saying, If it feels good, do it!
That was the motto of the '60s and the '70s, and certainly it is the motto today. The image of the bear scratching himself highlights a view of human beings as animals, and that people should do what pleases them at the moment without a thought to the broader long-term consequences of their actions. Rick Santorum, Heritage Foundation Lecture #804

glad you're up for election in 2006, rick. we can speak our minds, too. it feels good, do it.

another sad story

try and read this story about a boy and his dog (and a hurricane) without crying. seriously, i'm going to get so many belly rubs and snacks out of my mawma after she reads this.

my sister's dark secret

i've been wondering if dick cheney (who kicks puppies by the way) was still alive since we haven't heard much from him of late and since the vp's job is attending state funerals and occasionally glad-handing the public when the president's too busy to visit the hoi polloi, he's been conspicuously absent from the photos of bush surrounded by white guys in mississippi and louisiana.

it turns out that cheney has had some important shopping to do--real estate in maryland. he is moving in near his bud rummy who also owns an impressive estate along the coast. cheney bought shotgun shells while there, probably to shoot puppies and hurricane victims.

the disturbing part? my little sister ethel comes from the eastern shore. though she was a stray which is probably a count in her favor; being rejected by those folks is a sure sign you've got something going on. listen to this:

Residents joke about the occasional helicopter overhead and what flavor Rumsfeld gets at Justine's Ice Cream parlor. One woman even drew a clear distinction -- pro-Rumsfeld, anti-Cheney.

"Cheney's a politician. He's connected with Bush," said Rhonda Lewis, 58, a bookkeeper at a bike shop in nearby Easton. She has always had a crush on Rumsfeld. "He is just adorable."
She thinks the defense secretary often looks stressed out on TV, and seeing him walk casually through St. Michaels in khakis is comforting. "Bush just dumped all the hard stuff on him," Lewis said.

i'm so glad we rescued my Ethel from this dark, dark place.

more football follies

has outrage about the hotel situation (including outrage from blogging dogs) prompted a change to the hotel policy in tallahassee where football fans were about to bump evacuees from their rooms? the tallahassee democrat has taken down a story about the possible booting and has replaced it with a hotel hotline to help people find rooms.

according to a story on msnbc, the hotel fiasco may not be entirely the hotels' fault:

In Tallahassee, Fla., a big college football weekend awaits. There is concern hotel space might disappear for Katrina victims since Florida law requires hotels to honor all reservations. The hotels have been booked for weeks, with Florida State playing its opener against Miami and Florida A&M hosting Delaware State.

because florida laws have not caused us enough headaches in the past.

the university of alabama (also playing this weekend) has been contacting ticket holders asking them to surrender their hotel rooms. i certainly hope the florida schools have done the same. unfortunately, when i went to their web sites (which i shall not link to due to my moral and personal opposition to their football teams--go huskers) i saw no mention of it even on the unfortunately mascotted miami hurricanes' site. (yes, i just verbed a noun. i'm a dog. i'm not bound by your naked ape rules.) UA did mention the request on theirs.

maybe king kaufman at salon is on to something with at least considering cancelling or postponing sporting events--especially in affected areas. it would at least spare my huskers the possible shame of losing to maine, the division I-AA team they bravely scheduled after their 5-6 season last year. (no disrespect to my I-AA blue hens who have put up much more respectable results of late than my huskers).

lighter news

i found a contest for my little sister ethel! it's the least obedient dog contest, sponsored by a toy company who is launching a new line of plush toys that apparently responds to commands (ok, that part is weird).

i think she might have a shot, though i too have a habit of going spontaneously deaf when at the dog park. may the worst dog win.

well, i'm relieved

thank goodness the president is visiting the gulf coast region to reassure people that trent lott's home will be rebuilt. i've been worried.

he knows sacrifice since this has cut into his serious social schedule like john mccain's birthday party on the 29th as the hurricane was hitting the coast. tragically, the frosting on the cake apparently melted in the arizona heat before they could eat it.

on the plus side, perhaps this will prompt actual discussion of some real social problems.

who left the naked apes in charge of this planet? intelligent design my ass.

you can't be serious

even i'm struck barkless about this one from the miami herald:

Hotels to evacuees: Go before big game

Many Tallahassee hotels have told hurricane evacuees they'll have to move by the day of the FSU-Miami football game so that fan bookings can be honored.

BY MARY ELLEN KLAS

TALLAHASSEE - Hundreds of Katrina evacuees who fled to Tallahassee seeking refuge from the storm have been politely told by their hotels and motels to leave this weekend to make room for a football game: FSU vs. Miami. Hotel space is traditionally scarce any time the Florida State Seminoles take on the University of Miami Hurricanes, one of the choicest tickets on the college football schedule. But with hotels packed with families from Louisiana and Mississippi, and room space booked for Monday's game for months, hotel operators say they are trying to accommodate the evacuees but have no choice but to nudge them out. ''We have to let them know what's going on in town and they're going to have to leave,'' said Angie Rayman, manager at the Howard Johnson. ``Many of them are trying to get closer to home anyway.''

dogs that need help

i think we should help the naked apes on the gulf coast but if you'd also like to help the other animals, too, i thought i'd post links to groups who are helping the thousands of animals left homeless by the hurricane: American Humane Association and Noah's Wish. i'll give up my weekly greenie and a new squeaky to help out a lost dog. or even a goddamn cat. yeah, i've got a heart. poor pets. and their naked apes, too.

great apes (and their naked ape cousins)

new findings in the mapping of your cousin the chimp's genome. listen to this description of behavioral differences between chimps and naked apes both caused by and causing DNA differences and you tell me which species sounds like it has more fun:

But another aspect of the comparison has yielded insights into a different question, the evolution of the human Y chromosome. The new finding implies that humans have led sexually virtuous lives for the last six million years, at least in comparison with the flamboyant promiscuity of chimpanzees.

also discovered: bonzo would definitely have made a better president than his co-star.

fiddlin'

let it be said that the president did not fiddle while rome burned. he got guitar lessons while new orleans flooded. this picture is from tuesday, august 30.

and i thought i lacked tact.