my sister's dark secret

i've been wondering if dick cheney (who kicks puppies by the way) was still alive since we haven't heard much from him of late and since the vp's job is attending state funerals and occasionally glad-handing the public when the president's too busy to visit the hoi polloi, he's been conspicuously absent from the photos of bush surrounded by white guys in mississippi and louisiana.

it turns out that cheney has had some important shopping to do--real estate in maryland. he is moving in near his bud rummy who also owns an impressive estate along the coast. cheney bought shotgun shells while there, probably to shoot puppies and hurricane victims.

the disturbing part? my little sister ethel comes from the eastern shore. though she was a stray which is probably a count in her favor; being rejected by those folks is a sure sign you've got something going on. listen to this:

Residents joke about the occasional helicopter overhead and what flavor Rumsfeld gets at Justine's Ice Cream parlor. One woman even drew a clear distinction -- pro-Rumsfeld, anti-Cheney.

"Cheney's a politician. He's connected with Bush," said Rhonda Lewis, 58, a bookkeeper at a bike shop in nearby Easton. She has always had a crush on Rumsfeld. "He is just adorable."
She thinks the defense secretary often looks stressed out on TV, and seeing him walk casually through St. Michaels in khakis is comforting. "Bush just dumped all the hard stuff on him," Lewis said.

i'm so glad we rescued my Ethel from this dark, dark place.