Bankin' on it

According to MSNBC doggie sperm banks are all the rage!

When Fig (above), a mixed-breed dog, was 11, Gainor Riker worried that her pet's biological clock was ticking so she decided to have his sperm frozen and stored at a canine semen bank. Her hope is to one day use the sperm to produce a litter of puppies, giving her another wonderful pet with the same fantastic temperament as her beloved Fig.

Fig died two years ago at the age of 15, and his sperm is still in the bank.

Here's how one one woman described her decision to bank it:

"Being a responsible pet owner, I wanted him neutered," she says. "But before doing so, I arranged to have his family jewels locked up in the canine semen bank to ensure a future generation.”

No--nothing odd about that (or strange about referring to your dogs "family jewels"! Good grief, let him have SOME dignity).

And I'm not even going to describe for you HOW they get the stuff. And while my mawma is a strange one I am fairly confident I will never read anything this disturbing about her:

Joeri Goedertier of Battle Ground, Wash., did a testicular harvest after his champion Rottweiler named Umbro died. “I rushed him to an emergency vet and asked [the vet] to cut off the dog’s testicles so that I could FedEx them to a canine semen bank," says Goedertier. "He thought I was some kind of crazy psycho. Time was of the essence and when I threatened to do it myself, he complied.”

Dear doG you apes are weird. Thousands of years of civilization and this is where you are, neutering dead dogs to harvest their sperm. And you think WE'RE odd for sniffing each others' butts and eating cat poop.