don't cry for me scoooooter liiiiby!

It's official, Scooter (former chief of staff to the veep) is a felon.

Now, will someone please answer the question of why a grown man answers to a nickname that sounds like a dog's name? Seriously, I hear his name and I think of a beagle. And that's just not fair to beagles. Give him something dignified like Turd Blossom.