Fetch Me My Lawyer!

My always helpful granny sent me a story about doggie lawyers! They handle important matters like inheritance and custody disputes:

The result has been the beginning of a qualitative shift - not merely the stiffening of animal cruelty laws, though in most states that has happened, but changes that are turning animals into legal beings with their own interests, and, in a few cases, their own enforceable preferences. Thirty-nine states and the District of Columbia now allow pet owners to endow pet trusts, the kind of legislation that made it possible for New York hotel billionaire Leona Helmsley to bequeath $12 million to her dog, Trouble. In some states, veterinarians are now required to report suspicions of animal abuse in the same way pediatricians have to report child abuse. Courts are starting to take seriously the claim that pet owners are entitled to compensation for pain and suffering in cases involving the death of an animal. And, in a Tennessee case this spring, a court appointed a legal guardian to represent the interests of a dog in a custody dispute.

I MOST DEFINITELY need a lawyer to handle my important business including managing my large estate of squeaky toys, securing my inheritance from my ma ape (don't worry ma ape, I wasn't really try to push you down the stairs, I swear!), and for suing the neighbor dog who always barks at me and runs away. Harassment! Also, I get relatively frequent sexual harassment on the Internets, though that might be because I'm always posting pictures of my bum. Also, I kind of like it.