It's ME ETHEL!

So Tanner's burpday is on Saturday so his BROTHER JOE has like totally been letting him blog ALL THE TIME but I don't get to blog like EVER and I told my brother that he is totally a grumpy OLD MAN and like Joe is old and grumpy but he's STILL NICER THAN WALLY. So Wally said I could do a BLOG but he said I have to have a TOPIC and STICK TO IT. So I WILL TRY.

Here I am RUNNING. I like to RUN. We've been getting up early to watch FOOTBALL in the morning but it's confusing because they are not the PLAYERS with plastic heads and big shoulders! And they are LADIES like ME! (Well, I'm a BITCH but my ma ape said DON'T CALL THEM THAT!) And my brother said that there are two kinds of football and one is also soccer. ANd I said I don't care. They get to RUN AROUND with a BALL so when I grow up I want to be a FOOTBALL PLAYER. And my brother said that ESPN shows them in the middle of the night because of their total commitment to women's sports and their need to show more physically challenging sports like POKER and POOL during prime times and I was like--what? And he said I don't even KNOW about literary devices like SARCASM and IRONY and PARODY and then he gave me a book by this guy named Jonathan Swift and, like, they were eating IRISH BABIES. Jeez! That'd doesn't sound like a modest proposal to me. LOOK! I RUN FAST!


My brother said to be more BRIEF and to the POINT! LOOK! And I learned to WINK so I can FLIRT WITH DOGS.


And I want to CLEAR UP what WALLY said about my FLOPPY TONGUE cuz he's like totally a LIAR. SEE! I have PERFECT TONGUE CONTROL.


I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! And I pity! Anyone who is Wally TO-DAY!


And so here is my burpday present for Tanner which is like totally awesome pictures of ME!
My brother says he has a wife and a cucumber or concubone or something but I don't know what that means and Wally said they are prettier than me but I don't know. I just want to chase him in big fast circles anyway.


Wait, what were we talking about?


ETHEL RULZ!