Friday, December 28, 2007

The Vet Maligned Me!

OK, I am back from yet another stupid trip to the stupid vet. (Though the vet techs are like the smartest people ever because they give me snacks and call me the cutest dog ever. So true, so true). And the Brat Pack demanded an update! I am really really mad. Here's the verdict:

1) I have a wee pink lump on my chest that looks benign but they're going to take it off just in case. It is small enough that I won't have to be put under which is good because (see #3 below).
2) My vampiric ma ape made them draw blood to run tests. More on that when I get results back.
3) My heart is doing a-ok! A couple of years ago I decided to terrify my ma ape by developing heart problems, specifically a really abnormal rhythm and a murmur. I had to have an ultrasound and they shaved part of my chest which really harshed my manly vibe. Anyway, my murmur is still a 1 out of 6 (the rest of me is a 10 out of 10, my vet assured me!) and my rhythm was normal. So my ticker is still goin' strong.
4) The physical exam didn't show any signs of pain or stiffness in my joints (or more than previously) and the vet said he didn't think I need meds at this point, particularly since earlier today I totally kicked some sissy butt at a little game we call "rampage around the living room chasing each other and pretending to eat each others' heads."
5) My ma ape had really been worried because I have had anxiety at night. I am restless, I pace, and I whine until she pets me and/or gets down on the ground with me. The vet thought it was in my head rather than anything physical. 1) my arfritis is not worse so it is unlikely I am in pain (also I am one rampaging beast during the day) 2) there is no obvious physical problem and I appear to be perfectly healthy 3) I have no other signs of Alzheimers (my ma ape is another story. Ask her how she peeled two different bananas for lunch today) 4) I do have a history of anxiety. So--the vet thinks I probably am having anxiety about upheaval in our house. Specifically, when my sissy was hurt. I'm kind of an empathetic dude (sensitive new age guy, you might say). So if it doesn't get better over the next two weeks (and I was pretty nice last night) then I have to go back.

Here's the part that MADE MY BLOOD BOIL

6) According to the vet's scale I have gained FIVE POUNDS! And my ma ape said the "D" word--DIET! The scale is so obviously BROKEN and it probably was supposed to say 38 pounds and not 48 pounds. And the vet LAUGHED when my ma ape referred to my "Christmas Chunk." OK that is totally not professional.

So that's what happened. Nothing exciting! Except that afterward we went and got venison which is totally on my diet.

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Blogger The Brat Pack said...

PHEW. We've been worried. Dude, sleep at night so we're not all stressed about it, k?


PS Sam said nothin' could harsh your gig you big studmuffin tasty bit of beefcake. (I think I have to go blow chunks now)

4:46 PM  
Blogger Peanut said...

Oh man mom says come spend the night with her. She doesn't sleep much either and so you two can stay up together. I believe the scale was broken. No way you weigh that much. Venison is good stuff

6:05 PM  
Blogger Molly the Airedale said...

We can't imagine where you gained 10 pounds! You look the same to us! The vet's scale is obviously broken!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

6:12 PM  
Blogger Patience-please said...

Wally, you come here with us, and we'll show you a Christmas Chunk: our Servant!!! We'll send her back to your human for the dietary oversight, and you can come run around whippet-speed and you'll be svelt and maybe she'll be able to waddle back home.
glad your heart isn't flip-flopping any more.
the whippet waggle

6:38 PM  
Blogger Lady Kaos said...

The scale is totally broken. You'd think they'd check on that once in awhile! Sheesh!
My dacshund sister has been waking up in the middle of the night a lot lately because she's cold. Mom put another blanket on top of her at night and now she sleeps all night. Are you sure you aren't getting cold and need your Mom to pet you to warm you up? Hope you finally get a good night sleep!

6:49 PM  
Blogger Jen and Suki said...

I think a pug sissy is in order to help relieve some of your nighttime anxiety. Pug cuddles can solve anything.

Glad you're well, Wally.

7:12 PM  
Blogger Gus said...

following the thread that says.."Wally is cold at night and needs heat" I am totally willing to share Teka, who puts out more heat per body inch than anyone, dad included.


8:02 PM  
Blogger Poppy said...

Wow, good luck with your wee pink lump, Wally. I'm sure it's nothing. And how dare they say you need to go on a diet!


10:32 PM  
Blogger Ruby Bleu said...

Well on the whole it was a good report, right? So good news...but that diet thing...just say NOOOOOO!!! But heck, if it means you are gonna be a healthy boy, well maybe you should do it. And I'll volunteer my Mom to diet with you...she totally needs know as a new years resolution!!!

Lots of Licks, Ruby

11:17 PM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Wally
Glad to hear that in general you are ok! I am sure that lump will not be serious. Sure is better to take it off! Its not fun not to get enough sleep at night. I wish I could do something for you!
As you know, I am on a diet too. No treats and nothing extra. Not fair! At least is working!
Have a good night (and I mean it!)
Kisses and hugs

12:13 AM  
Blogger Emily and Ike said...

More of you to love, man. More of you to love.

12:42 AM  
Blogger the Corgi Girls said...

If your diet includes venison... then count us in, BOL!!!

1:58 AM  
Blogger the Corgi Girls said...

Oh yes... and we forgot to mention, Moxie and I could make you the meat in a girl corgi sandwich, we're sure we would quell your nightly anxiety *wink wink*


2:00 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...


I think you should take Izzie & Moxie up on the Wally sandwich idea... at least until the residual effects of Ethel's trauma are gone.

I think your vet needs to be reported to his medical board for unprofessional behavior. Laughing at your ma ape's Christmas Chunk comment? Just who does this vet think they are messing with?

Also, please let me know if you need extra goob smooches - you know they have healing and comforting properties (like lavendar oil).

Goober love & truckloads of smooches,

2:08 AM  
Blogger Joe Stains said...

That all sounded like good news until I heard that D word. I am not worried about your lump removal because if the doofus can get through that, anydog can. But seriously, the diet? I can go on a hunger strike for you if it would help. Its like 1am here so I can do that til um about breakfast??

3:10 AM  
Blogger Kerrio said...


So we don't need to send out a search party after all?

4:34 AM  
Blogger Moco said...

I hope you know that you have rights. You have the right to refuse to have your weight done. You need an ombudsman to look into your vets behavior. I am sure he violated a federal regulation by laughing about that Christmas chunk comment. Maybe you just need to get on the bed at night.

6:33 AM  
Blogger Amber-Mae said...

Glad everything is okay Wally... Hopefully there's something that will be able to make the small pinky thingy under your chest disappear.

Love licks,
Solid Gold Dancer

8:27 AM  
Blogger Ferndoggle said...

A Diet??? Good grief, dude! Same here. Apparently, my big bones have gotten a little bigger over the holidays and Mom said I'm going to be eating a lot more rabbit and skinless chicken breasts instead of backs. Not too bad provided I get at least 2 breastables per meal. Or 10...10 would be better.

A shaved chest is SOOOO metrosexual! You're not going to start drinking spritzers, are you? Mom said maybe you should try a Melatonin cocktail before bed to calm your nerves. It helps Lola (and if that broad can be helped...anypup can!). Can't hurt.

Glad your ticker is still in tip top shape.


2:47 PM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

These vets are way out of control. I think we need to stage a coooooooooo. My keeps stealing my blood and pee. Weirdos.

But Walls, I'm so glad to hear you're healthy. It sounds like you have even more good health than you need. Ten pounds more!

I might have to have an ultrasound too. I hope you won't think it harshes my womanliness.

Good luck with your little pink lump. When's the big day?


5:04 PM  
Blogger Marvin -The Hollow Hound said...

oh sorry we been late commenting, Wally -

sorry to hear about the pink lump, you should have at least had a blue lump being the most masculine boy I know!

No worries about the alzeimers thank goodness, in you anyways!

But the Ma Ape, my jeannie wants to know if Ma Ape, leaves said bananas once they are peeled, half eaten.......

cos my Pa found a half eaten one in my Jeannie's car last week, which she had totally forgotten about, then he found another half banana by the computer..........

She is totally bananas!

and I agree with Sophie what is wrong with these darn Vets?

Diet is a bad word, I am not on one yet, but I think I may be soon after this Christmas.

Happy New Year to you, Ethel and your Ma Ape!

love and Banana Missing Licks, Marvin xxxxxx

11:15 AM  

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