Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Earning Our B.S. Degree

When Dr. Wally T. Corgador, Ph.D. passed we lost our most edumacated pack member. A learn-ed fellow, Dr. Wally was an expert in all things. He has inspired us to pursue higher education. Ethel and I thought that maybe if we put our heads together we could earn a B.S. degree. So, in pursuit of our B.S. we are working on a Senior Thesis about the most substantial senior in our house--Otis T. Potus. We have decided to investigate the curious origins of the Potus.

As his actual origins are shrouded in mystery we decided to do some biological forensics comparing Otis to some of his possible relatives, determined via a careful examination of the Potus's girthy physique. Specimen #1:

Behold, the elephant seal! A gutsy fellow like our Potus, both enjoy partaking of fishy dinners and then resting on their rotund belles for some quality baking in the sun.

But the Elephant Seal lacks stripeys and Otis is unlikely to be a seafaring fellow. So our next line of inquiry. HIPPO! Specimen #2:

Large-headed beasts with British teeth who love vegetables and have breath that could knock you over!

Our vet even calls Otis the Happy Hippo! Perhaps he has already made a species identification??? But where are the stripes? We need to do further investigation into a theory that Jessica the Hippo, who has appeared on this blog before, may have gotten overly friendly with the bull terriers she lives with.

Could he be a HippOtis?

This is a promising line of inquiry. However, our funding which consists of stealing dollars out of the ma ape's wallet (no lie. Otis stole one and ate it once) has run out and we have resorted to doing field research in our own home. Could we find clues as to the Otis Family Tree? Well, our ma ape came home with a very curious stuffy recently. Specimen #3:

What the? We know--it is a stripey, chubby, cropped eared, unidentifiable thingy that grunts when you squeeze him.

There is a resemblance. Is there a strange land somewhere where Otis is their god and they are now producing idols in his image? (He's a vain god who hath commanded "Thou shalt worship false idols in my image, lo that they may have honkers in thy bellies.") But we also found, sitting atop Otis's crate! Specimen #4:

A boo dog and a pig? Could Otis be a pitlet?

A family reunion of sorts? They do appear to replicate Otis's level of activity.

While Otis bears eerie resemblance to many things portly, weird, snorfly, perpetually hungry, stinky, and block-headed we were able to draw one indisputable scienterrific conclusion. Otis is a one of a kind beast who cannot be replicated. He would still like to be worshiped as a god, though. We hearby claim discovery of the unique species Otisii Potusii.

Can we have our degree now, plz? We are in our graduation robes!

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Blogger Sophie Brador said...

Drs. Ethel & OBST, Even though you prove nothing, this work is Brilliant!


10:33 AM  
Blogger Beckett said...

That mom says this work is good enough to get you a B.S. with honors at her place of employment.


PS - I had a pig like that once. I did unspeakable things to it.

11:00 AM  
Blogger NAK and The Residents of The Khottage Now With KhattleDog! said...

When is khommencement?

PeeEssWoo: Just be sure to watch out fur witches - I wouldn't want them to snag any of woo!

11:07 AM  
Blogger The Heartbeats said...


12:29 PM  
Blogger Jake of Florida said...

Be on the look out for not just any kind of witches -- but witches who believe evolution is a myth. This B.S. thesis clearly demonstrates that Otisii Potusii is the proud product of Darwinian processes.

Wirey woofs,

Jake and Just Harry

12:56 PM  
Blogger Dexter said...

A highly educational and entertaining post. You have clearly done your research and deserve an A for your thesis. It appears that the Otis is one of a kind, just like Wally. How lucky for you that he is at your estate. You can only dream of being as wonderful and unique as he.


4:21 PM  
Blogger Gus said...

Dear Candidates. You look wonderful in your robes, and we are sending that funny hat that dad wears for commencement and things, and also that funny hoody thing. You must share and do not tear them up. ( For some reason he is quite fond of them?) We also have lots of miscellaneous degree papers here, and we will include a few with the packet.

Gus Dagger W.ft
and Teka Toy Dagger, free spirit.

4:30 PM  
Blogger Kari in Alaska said...

I think he is wonderfully unique :)


5:33 PM  

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