The Wild Dog's Diet

With my mawma out of town it meant we were forced to revert to our feral ways and find ways to feed ourselves (like begging from the other ape in the house). So here are some foods we were forced to forage for/hunt for ourselves. This is a warning for those with weak stomachs, these are pictures of nature red in tooth and claw, at its most brutal when the predator stalks and kills its prey.


Look! New Beer! With dogs on it! In spite of this the apes say this beer is NOT for ME. Alas. I must look for sustenance elsewhere.


These are the elusive "Wawa sandwiches" which are known to be deadly to apes as they can immediately solidify arteries with cholesterol clogging goodness. They must be stalked carefully during the rare hours in the morning when the workers put them out. Then you have to put in the hard work which is giving sad eyes until an ape will go into the store to buy you one because goddamn speciesist employees who insist dogs are a violation of some silly "health code." Whatever. Just because I would get on the counter and eat sandwiches directly off the display does not mean I am not sanitary.


Here I am stalking the beast known as "The Pizza." I wait, silently, filling my salivary glands and focusing on the cheesy goodness. And then....

I spring into action snatching my prey from the hands of the ape! The pizza is MINE.

My mum was wondering why I was a big sluggish acting this morning. Now she knows--a belly full of junk food! She should go away more often!