let the trash talkin' begin

on january 1, the cornhooskers will be playing the auburn whore-eagles in the cottom bowl and i'd like to get a head start on the trash talking. the whore-eagles have been embroiled in a minor scandal over the fact that their athletes can apparently obtain degrees without ever actually attending classes and sometimes have their grades changed by persons other than the those teaching the courses. but they've decided not to do anything about it.

Auburn University does not plan to forward information from an internal audit to the National Collegiate Athletic Association, a university spokesman said. The audit showed that a grade for a scholarship athlete was changed without the knowledge of the student’s professor. A New York Times article published Sunday showed that the grade was changed from an incomplete to an A in the final semester, allowing the athlete to graduate.

In that semester, the student received A’s in four classes that did not require attendance. The grade change was made without the permission of the professor, who did not recall even meeting the student, and it nudged the student’s grade-point average above the 2.0 needed to graduate.

i've been trying to come up with a catchy chant for the football game. my options so far:

"hey hey, ho ho, your academic standards are mighty low!"

"your university accreditation is a scam!"

"even a goddamn cat could graduate from auburn!"

hmmm. nothing catchy yet. perhaps mocking their academic credentials is not the way to go. i'll keep working on it.

and the dog in the picture is obviously not me and i don't even know him but i saw his picture on the internets. handsome guy, eh?