scandal!

i am currently reeling over recent scandals. no, i'm not referring either to the indictment of tom delay or allegations that bill frist has been engaging in market manipulation, martha stewart style. honestly, i would be more shocked of those guys weren't crooked.

no, i am concerned over photographic evidence (seen here) that shows my mawma has been less than monogamous in terms of her affection towards dogs. in other words, she was captured on film petting a dog who is not me (or, grudgingly, my sister ethel). this is gabe, a "great" pyrenees who sluts around my great-granny's nursing home begging for attention. he was even wearing a cornhusker bandana, that hussy. i comfort myself thinking that gabe happens to have a head shaped very much like my own (big and square) and that perhaps my mawma went spontaneously blind and thought she was petting me.

i have also heard rumors that she was even petting a goddamn cat named punkin but the possibility is too horrible to comprehend.