Wednesday, March 23, 2005

persistent vegetarian state

i have a question of legal and ethical importance. my mawma is in a persistent vegetarian state. she has not shown signs of eating (animal) life in almost 15 years. in fact, in the last few years she has gone into a complete vegan state showing no signs of animal product consumption. does that mean we can cut off her food? or better yet, i can have her share?

i also have a few requests for Mr. DeLay while he is writing legislation tailored for individuals. i would like you to propose these bills in my interest:

H.R. 101 The Feed Wally More Snacks Act of 2005
H.R. 102 The Feed Wally More Snacks While Giving Him Belly Rubs Act of 2005
H.R. 103 The Keep the Goddamn Cats Out of MY Yard Act of 2005 (with added amendment #2034 The Wally Still Gets to Eat Their Poop Amendment).

it would be nice if you would pass these acts today and wake the president up from his nap so he can sign them. and while you are at it, please force the federal court to rule that my my mawma cannot punish me for getting my dog food off the counter while she was in the other room because she didn't see me do it. thank you.


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