my vet says i'm awesome

in response to the overwhelming inquiries about my health (ok, it was just glenn but i'm sure the rest of you were just too worried to ask), i am not only in AWESOME health, the vet said i am one of the most healthy former homeless bum dogs he's ever seen. also, he thinks i look like a pirate. and that i'm unbearably cute because my face looks like a naked ape. no comment.

he also thinks i'm only 4-6 years old. previous estimates put me at 8-10 years old. see, my teeth are a bit, well, missing in spots so previous vets thought i was older. it turns out i just have good british teeth! the bad news is i have no excuse for acting like a dirty old man anymore. since i do not have a naked ape obsession with time (i do not possess the kantian categories of understanding, i have direct access to sense knowledge!), i have not been keeping track of my age. i do like your naked ape rituals of birthdays, though for some reason we don't get to celebrate them very often. why not every weekend? i am one week older. let's celebrate another week of wally!

i met a nice bassett hound at the vet named floyd. short legged dogs rule. what do you need all that leg for anyway? i should invite him to my birthday this weekend...every weekend. i accept gifts year round, by the way.