note to naked apes

while trying to change the channel to animal planet, i overheard a goddamned florida republican comment that if terri schiavo was a dog and they let her starve to death, they would be subject to animal cruelty laws. first, please leave us out of your naked ape disputes. second, if i could no longer feed myself or move, my mawma could not starve me to death but she could take me to the veterinarian and have him stick a needle in me and "put me to sleep." third, you naked apes DO regularly starve us to death by abandoning us or allowing us to breed without providing us or our offspring with homes. millions of dogs are put to sleep every year (and just as many goddamn cats) because of naked ape neglect. so don't go on as if you have these elaborate protections of animals but none for naked apes. ok? your analogy is ridiculous.

now, no one asked me for commentary but since you dragged the dogs into it, here's my take. if you are genuinely concerned with the preservation of life, please provide health care for all the naked apes. take care of the homeless naked apes. think about the starving naked apes even if they don't happen to live in your city or your country. i'm a goddamned dog with supposedly inferior powers of reasoning and i see through your silly posturing and specious reasoning.

you made me get all goddamn serious and i don't appreciate it one bit, naked apes.