Getting our Robes On!

Big news today! The Supreme Court's oldest and longest serving Justice, John Paul Stevens, is retiring. From this photo I believe he will be joining the Cubs' bullpen which can only make things better for them. But this means there is a job opening!

And we read the Constitution VERY carefully and learned that the President of the United States (POTUS) appoints Supreme Court Justices (to be approved by the World's Most Dysfunctional Family, the Senate)! And what do you know! We live with the POTUS!

Otis, the Pitbull Of The United States! POTUS! POTUS! POTUS! Where were we? Oh right, getting ourselves a job.

To find out more listened to this fellow and, as an aside, it was mighty nice of some radio station to give him a job after his lobotomy. Anyway, he seems to have great sympathy for the plight of white dudes who, really, have been given a bum deal what with the Fortune 500 companies and only 43 out of the last 44 presidents and 106/111 Supreme Court Justices. Listen (warning: IQ may drop for the next 3-4 hours while blood pressure may become dangerously high):

We decided that Ole Lonesome Rhodes here WAS making a point. It is time for the POTUS to make a BOLD decision and appoint a first to the court. Our suggestion???

That's right...the first brudder/sissy sheppy team! Let's make the Supreme Court of the United States a REAL SCOTUS, a Sheppy Court Of The United States! SCOTUS! SCOTUS! We already have natty black robes, are outspoken, and probably know more about Roe v. Wade than Clarence Thomas. Though as we were researching the institution we noticed a disturbing resemblance between this justice:

And the POTUS!

Dude! You cannot be POTUS and SCOTUS! That violates the separation of POWERS! More POWER TO THE SHEPPYS! We also read that many GOP Senators will be interested in the Right to Bear Arms which I should say we totally support.

I mean, who wouldn't want hugs from some Bears like these Chicago Bears?? They should totally get to keep their arms.

See you at our confirmation hearings! Ethel is totally preparing (see footnotes below).

1. All references to balls and biting are purely metaphorical.
2. This post is dedicated to the memory of Wally who taught us everything we know about pawliticks. But don't hold it against him, we're slow learners. But not as slow as that Beck fellow.

3. Thanks for your service, Justice Stevens!

4. Apologies to pit boos who do not actually look like Scalias and have much bigger hearts and brains.