Sunday, March 18, 2007

A desperate plea for help!

I tried to get Sally Struthers to do an ad for poor Gertie here but she was unavailable so I will have to make a plea on behalf of Gert myself. Gertie, here, is a good dog. Like me, she enjoys eating grass and chasing geese. She did an excellent job of rescuing her own naked apes who Gertie has trained very well. Sadly, however, as you can see, they enjoy publicly humiliating poor Gertie by putting her in Michigan Wolverines gear. Look at her sad and embarrassed eyes. As a fellow dog, a fortunate Cornhusker fan, and general dogitarian, I believe we must intervene, liberating her apes from their confusion. Gertie, we don't blame you for wearing this unfortunate get-up and we are certain that you remember the last time the Wolverines played the Cornhuskers and the Hooskers were victorious, 32-28. And I'm sure you remember Michigan's last national championship in 1997 which they had to share with the Cornhuskers (even though the Huskers beat Tennessee led by Peyton Manning 42-17 and Michigan barely beat a mediocre Wazzu. Just saying). Now, I'm not sure your apes are as smart as we dogs and thus are unlikely to be persuaded by reason. And I WOULD suggest a nice nip to the hand that tries to put Michigan gear on you but I'm a Nebraska fan and we're known for being polite. Wikipedia even says so. But I can suggest leaving some small "presents" in their shoes. I understand the smell is not unlike the odor Michigan left in this year's Rose Bowl.

Stay strong, Gertie.

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Anonymous Gertie said...

Wally, Wally, Wally! St. Paddy's celebrations have clearly gone in your head. I'm not at all humiliated in that photo; it's a look of quiet dignity, exactly the sort of thing us Wolverines fans naturally have about us. (OK, so if really had my druthers, I'd be "Bunnies" or "Geese" or "Squirrelators" fan, but apparently they don't have teams yet. Besides, to me, being that sort of fan means getting to chase them.) Still, I say, Go Blue!

5:33 PM  
Blogger wally said...


Denial is one of the stages of mourning. I know it's not easy to admit your apes have such an unfortunate flaw. But so long as they keep you walked, fed, and entertained I suppose it can be forgiven.

And they don't call it "the blues" for nothin'.


ps. I asked them to change "Cornhusker" to "Bully Stick Chewers" but I have gotten no reply. Must have gotten lost in the mail.

4:00 AM  

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