Friday, September 22, 2006

dog tag!

i've been tagged by lulu. it's a the new thing amongst dog blogs, i guess. and it makes me contractually obligated to share five deep dark secrets about myself before going out and tagging five more dog blogs. it's sort of like one of those internet chain letters but with fewer viruses embedded. i'm a pretty open book so it's tough to find secrets but here it goes:

1. i have opposable thumbs. i keep this secret from my naked apes but they must be suspicious since i have in the past 1) opened a crate 2) opened latched windows 3) opened drawers when my breakfast was not adequate 4) done considerable counter-surfing in spite of my shortness, including opening up a tupperware container containing freshly baked vegan cookies (could have used some butter) 5) opened a latched door 6) once i combined all of these when i escaped from my crate in the basement, through the hook-latched basement door, up onto the kitchen counter, mooshing bananas in my wake, out the kitchen window by pushing out the window fan, dropping 6 feet, and walking down a heavily trafficked road looking for my mawma--all without a scratch on me. motivated by my next secret...

2. i have separation anxiety. real bad. i was on pupzac for awhile. your most powerful pharmaceutics did nothin'. the only cure? another dog to keep me company. dog bless my sisters morgan (rest in peace) and ethel (run in peace). this is also a great excuse for my mawma to be constantly trolling petfinder for companions for me.

3. i love abba. my favorite song is called wally-loo which i hear is about someone named napolean (though the title suggests it is about moi). i've been told i have a napolean complex so he must be a great guy.

4. sometimes i pee like a girl. yeah, i'm a big leg lifter but mine are sort and sometimes squatting is just easier. but, really, the whole standing and peeing thing is overrated anyway. how many marriages would be saved if husbands would just sit down and save the splatter?

5. i bring shame to my species but i secretly don't mind the goddamn cats. in fact, i kind of like them. yes, i love chasin' 'em but i really want to play. i had one cornered in the backyard once and instead of eating her, oh god, i did a play pose. the horror! i used to live with goddamn cats and my mawma teases me endlessly about my cat-like behavior like obsessive grooming, sleeping on the back of the couch, sprawling out in shafts of sunlight and my cat-like leaping style. i'm so ashamed. goddamn wally.

i'm off to tag.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

you forgot to mention when your mawma caught you scaling the shelves in the pantry. A real mountain climber if I ever saw one.

3:18 PM  

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