Friday, August 26, 2005

too much time on our paws

i love slate's dog columns and one of their columnists is writing a series of columns about how to overprogram your dog just as if you are the yuppie parent of an underachieving child. i'm just coming to the end of not one but two obedience classes. i adopted my mawma two and a half years ago but we took the plunge into classes because my little sister ethel has a little aggression problem (what can she say? she's a bitch?) and has a case of doggy ADD. so i take special interest in these columns since i may be sent back to school.

this month they're talking about agility which is not a sport for the faint of heart, or light of wallet, since it involves tons of athletic ability and ability to focus and many months, even years, of training. and that's just the naked apes. my little sister might kick butt at this since she is fast, a quick learner, and can jump over anything. of course, as a dog who can't be bothered to bring the ball BACK in a game of fetch, she might need to work on her concentration. i have to say that my two favorite groups don't get proper props in the article. the first? corgis. the underestimated athletes. see, i have a corgi body and get regular stares and comments (part of that is my giant head). and occasionally people call me "pudgy" or "chunky" which angers me to no end. corgis are not pudgy. we are big, athletic dogs on short (but effective) legs. see, we were bred to herd. and we nip at the heels of cattle. that, naturally, doesn't always please them and sometimes they kick and, being short, the kicks sail over our heads. on the other hand, we tend to have muscular legs and a big chest because we have to run and maneuver a lot. now, the "we" i am talking about doesn't actually include me since i've never been herding, nor does it include most corgis who spend most of their lives running the households of naked apes (including the queen of england! who clearly needs all the help she can get). but i mean hypothetically. and, when i choose to i can be quite the athlete. i run, i swim, i jump and i can't jump fences with the same ease as my sister but i can climb them if necessary (i was once caught climbing the shelves in the kitchen). corgis are regularly in agility competitions but get nary a mention in this article. the other neglected group? mutts, of course. since most agility events are akc, you have to be an akc registered dog and, therefore, a purebred. that's a shame for both me and my sister who could revolutionize the world of agility. except my big head would probably be hard to maneuver through the weave polls.

last month the column was about dog dancing, popularized by king of the hill. my favorite part? the poodle named edgar allen poo.

on tuesday i take my canine good citizen test. if i pass, i think i get to vote. then i wonder what doggy sport i will be taking over next? if only i could get a gold medal for bossiness. or napping.


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