a salute to wall-o-ween ghosts and goblins

in the spirit of wall-o-ween and telling stories around the campfire to scare the crap out of children, i give you an array of terrifying beasts to inspire fear. no, this dog ain't afraid of politics (non-political canines may wish to avert their eyes but don't sniff these butts. they're stinky. and not in a good way.).


above is the shape-shifting joe, a creature who survives by sucking face with/sucking up to republican presidents. his primary mode of attack is boring his victims to death but he is a frightening beast because even if you kill him in the primaries, he just keeps coming back.


representative harris, the ghost of elections past, a unique creature able to inspire bipartisan fear. known for her vicious attacks on democracy and brutal flops in senate races. i have no idea what the hell she's doing in this picture but I hope that poor animal got away.


this is the ghost of administrations past, also known as rummy. known by his disdainful sneer, you can hear his approach with his cry of "back off!" this monster is known to never give up, apologize, or change course even in the face of abject failure.


known only as "the dick," this beast is shrouded in mystery, occasionally emerging from his 'undisclosed location' to make unilateral decisions, squash dissent, and do the occasional waterboarding. this zombie overlord eats the brains of those around him.


occasionally the dick will attempt a smile to soften his image curiously, this only makes him all the more terrifying, particularly when you find out that he's smiling because he just ate a fresh batch of your civil liberties.

now, before you begin your bloodcurdling screams, keep in mind that all of these monsters are vulnerable on the first tuesday in november if you drive a fresh ballot through their hearts.