groundhog day

how much wally would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wally? we found out this morning when ethel and i went out for our morning constitutional. a groundhog was in the corner of the yard, probably feasting on pears that fell off our tree (welfare queen!) and he could not find his way out when we charged. he was at least 200 pounds, i'd say, with teeth a good 6 inches long. and the claws, oh the lethal claws. ethel dragged him away from the little hole in the fence and penned him to the ground. he was ferocious (see picture) and i got a small bite inside my mouth, gotten from protecting my sister ethel who surely would have been consumed alive. unfortunately, thanks to some naked ape intervention the mad groundhog got away to terrorize others. naked apes are so ungrateful when we save their butts.