dogblog

A Cracker Dog Crew

2012-01-06T08:46:00.001-05:00

We have been lazy about posterating but we are inspired to post something NEW: MANGOMINSTER 2012! We have a COLLECTIVE entry for the CRACKER CRITTERS category. If you read our blog you probably suspect the guilty party is EDGRR who constantly has his chompers out and is always shouting. Or maybe Oscar Bean, Super Teen who is the screamiest sheppy in town. NO! We have a secret cracker dog in our house: OTIS T. POTUS. You might thing: he is too old to be a crackerdog. You would be wrong. We submit for your pleasure a short video with evidence. While Otis may not have the speed, agilities, or jumping abilities of other cracker dogs, what he does have is dogged determination in the face of resistance. BEHOLD!

As you can see, Otis is the leader of a crackerdog crew, master of ignoring the ma ape, doing what he wants, and nommin' on what he pleases!

For an old man, Otis holds his own at SHARKFACE.

And he likes to get into bed and steal the pillows (and all the space.) Otis is entering this category to represent for the OLDS who can still be cracker dogs!

Losing a Friend

2011-11-19T08:46:00.000-05:00

We have not blogged in a very long time except on our tumblr and we wish we were not brought back by sad news. We were sad yesterday to learn that our friend Sam has crossed the Bridge.

Sam was one of our first blogging friends--she has her own tag on our bloggy!--and she was Wally's #1 girlfriend. As you can see, they had a lot in common.

Plus, while neither of them was the biggest dog in their packs in body, they were still the biggest dogs in their pack, if you know what we mean.

Sam's person shared what Sam had for her last meal: a 4-egg cheese omelet, 8 strips of turkey bacon, a chicken breast, several pieces of beef jerky, a heap of liver treats and an entire container of Cool Whip. That's our girl! Never live life halfway!

Thanks for being our friend, Sam. We miss you.

Happy Burpday to our favorite GranNE!

2011-10-10T05:29:00.000-05:00

It must be a sad day for her GranNE that it is her burpday and she cannot spend it with her ALL TIME FAVORITE!

ME! I love my GranNE SO MUCH. We got her some good stuff. First, Otis got out his sweater vest and corn cob to root for the CORNHUSKERS!

And then we ordered up a super duper exciting Nebraska game! They came back from 21 points behind to beat those Buckeyes! Hooray! We thought we should keep your heart pumping vigorously with excitement.

The secret weapon was COACH OTIS who was teaching the Cornhuskers how to protect the ball!

So here we are all wishing you a BIG happy burpday, GranNE!

Ethel Jean wanted to pose with the pretty trees in the background since you like plants.

Otis and I are doing some coordinated Doga Poses (Forward Facing Dog, With Tongues)

I am going to chomp Ed for you because he is so annoying.

And here are some great memories from your visit when we helped you so much while you fixed our yard.

Here is a fine short film for your burpday:

Have a great day GranNE! We'll celebrate when you come to ~~landscape our yard~~ visit us again!

One Word Wednesday

2011-09-21T07:52:00.000-05:00

Help.

Tragedy Tuesday

2011-09-20T16:26:00.000-05:00

Well, this was an unexpected turn of events. Our ape got out the furminator and she brushed and brushed and brushed Ethel. And it turns out, underneath the mounds and mounds of fur....NOTHING!

Ed and I bravely combed through the mounds of floof. Nada.

Alas, poor Ethel, we brushed her (too) well.

Otis Dances For Dollars!

2011-09-19T19:11:00.001-05:00

Last weekend was a big weekend for us! It was the Delaware SPCA Open House! They were celebrating their makeover. About 5 years ago they got new management that increased their adoption rate to almost 90%! Before not so many dogs made it out. And they would be put to sleeps if they 1) were sick or 2) were old or 3) were pitbulls. I WAS ALL THREE! Thank you new SPCA! (That's thanks from the rest of the world who is so stoked to still have me in it, of course!)

So I put on my money vest and I went to their Open House to Dance for Dollars.

I got lots of love and attentions from the adults and the kids. I took a fiver right out of one lady's hand. I was afraid she was going to try to put it in my g-string.

I raised big monies with my hot sexy bod.

And I met this lady, Priscilla! I first thought maybe she could be the FLOTUS.

But, um, she was a bit too interested in some bits of me and tried to put babies in me! Oh my!

We also met this little lady.

She's tuff! She takes candy from babies!

This is Annie, aka Rocks-Anne, she belongs to one of the Animal Control Officers and she is the pet-scot of the Wilmington Blue Rocks baseballs team! Hubba hubba!

And here is Binks! He's at the SPCA and he's showing off his mad tricks with volunteer Janice who walks dogs all of the times and she especially loves the pibbles who have been there a long time.

I also met Mr. Titan who, like Priscilly, was a bit obsessed with my hind end. I must have mad pheromones!

Rocks-Anne was especially fond of this cocker spaniel who was not certain what to make of his 8 month old, 80 lb girlfriend.

Do you recognize that equipment from SPCA Saturdays? Yah, it's in the SPCA yard and they let dogs play off leash. They did a fine job of teaching those young ladies some agilities!

Naked apes are not the smarterest but you can teach them a few tricks.

When I got most tired (of not eating hot dogs) I went home and Edgrr B. Poopacabra came! He was proud of himself for not barfing in the car like usual. Aim high, little dude.

And he met Ray who is a mighty nice feller who has been at the SPCA too long. Ed was not a successful fundraiser as he does not like new peoples and only warmed up when he saw a shepherd in the crowd! Philanthropy fail. So he stayed until the end pretending he is a meek, sweet lil' slip of a thing until it was time to go home.

Unfortch, he is a bit of a backseat driver but he safely guided the apes home to watch NEBRASKA BEAT THE WASHINGTON HUSKIES in the footballs (no actual Huskies were harmed in the trouncing by the BIG RED).

I can't wait for my next chancertunity to do some more charity! Especially if there are more hot dogs involved. And if you want to put some bills in my virtual g-string you can donate at the SPCA's website!

I'm a Snooze Man

2011-09-14T05:02:00.000-05:00

I became a bit concerned about the comments in our last blog post when many commenters mistook my obvious superior comportment for a lack of energy. I would just like to assure all my friends, especially the ladies, that I am quite spry for an old guy. Note how I feel the groove with my most large head which takes much energy to bob to the beat.

As this song by the nice fellow Rufus Thomas would imply, I am awake for at least 60 minutes a day.

How We Get Ready for the Day

2011-09-13T08:46:00.001-05:00

We have a regular routine we like to stick to in the morning. We get up at 4:30 for regular walkies. Sometimes Otis goes with us and we are slow pokes. Sometimes he sleeps in and we zoom around the hood. Then we eat our breakfasts. Otis is fast at this. Then we like to help our ma ape relax before she goes off to work. We do this by WILDIN' OUT! We are certain she finds this most calming. See!

Note: We did not get it on film but Ed did make a nearly fatal error. He tried to hump Ethel. He is currently filming his episode of "I Shouldn't Be Alive." Nobody humps a lady.

Education-y

2011-09-06T05:02:00.000-05:00

Our ape went away for three whole days! She went to Seattle to ~~try out for the Seahawks~~ go to a pro-fession-al conference. She thinks she's soooooooo smart but while she was gone we put together an educational film without her. We await our professorship.

Any questions?

After the Storm

2011-08-28T12:53:00.001-05:00

Otis T. Potus, bravest pitboo on the block here. We have made it through Irene! She's still blowing air at us (not just the winds coming from our nervous bums, though that may be grounds for another state of emergency) but she is mostly gone. We are still hopeful that our friends Gus and Teka in Richmond, VA will have power soon, and that Tula Monstah, Norwood, Mango & the Dexmeister, Agatha and Archie in Masterchewsits, Maggie n' Mitch in Connecticut, Asta and Petey in NYC, are doing well. And close to us, Khyra who is without power and our besties Narra and the Dirty Dozen who also lost power. WITH 12 DOGS IN ONE BASEMENT! Our ma ape is traumatized just thinking about it.

From what we can see this tree across the street from us is the worst of it:

We were outside when this happened in the pitch black and hear CRRRRRAAAAAACK! We got inside with a quickness and our GranNE gave us a lecture about loitering around in the out of doors in storms. Good thing we have a Nebraskan to help us with hurricane safety! Our ma ape is worthless!

This was our only casualty, a branch that fell on our ma ape while she was taking our pictures. It caused her momentary discomfort as the leaves were quite slimy. Also, Tnaner noticed that we may have dropped our house on someone wearing that shoe. My lips are sealed.

Ethel is MOST relieved. She was nervous yesterday because she did googly eyes (where you can see the whites of her eyes) in all her pictures yesterday. She WILL NOT go outside if it is raining so the ape had to walk her in pouring rain! Hilarious!

We spent some time in the basement during a tornado warning (there was a tornado in SoDel). As you can see, this caused me a great deal of sturm and drang. I am seething inside.

Ed was excited to get to have a slumber pawty in the basement. He staked a claim to the blankie immediately because he is one greedy little bastard.

In the morning we did some sploring, though our ma ape is keenly aware it is still windy and branches could still fall on our delicate noggins. Fortunately my skull seems to be made of motorcycle helmet material and is indestructible. The little man, however, needs to protect what few brains he has.

I sent Tweedledee and Tweedledum out on a patrol anyway.

All's quiet on this eastern front! But we're still not gonna tell you what happened to the ~~witch in the~~ shoe.

Here is a delightfully uneventful post-storm video:

Waitin' for Irene

2011-08-27T18:58:00.000-05:00

We're in the Mid-Atlantic waiting for Ms. Irene to drop by. She's been dropping some rains on us since 10 a.m. and the center should be here between 4-5. This is most troubling to our ma ape because we do not like to pee in the rain. Especially Ethel Jean. We also have a touch of the cabin fever which makes us a bit wild, especially on the porch where there is NO MORE FURNITURE right now. Here's some fun with Irene. Let's hope our night time is not as wild as we are!

Wordless Dirty Wednesday

2011-08-24T05:15:00.002-05:00

Not what you were expecting?

Summetime Blues and Sophie's Balls

2011-08-23T05:29:00.000-05:00

Summer burpdays are gone. The apes will be going back to school. And so it was time to finish the summer with one of my favorite things. TENNY BALLS! When she visited in June, Sophie brought ME these fancy balls all the way from Montreal! NOT FOR BOYS.

As you can see, they fit perfectly in my mouth and match my furs beautifully.

They are quite excellent for catching and fetching as they are not easily lost.

And when the Super Teen tried to steal my balls like a little jerkazoid, the little man helped me out! I'm the only one he listens to (ma ape included)

I was most busy with the catcherating and fetcherating. HA!

While I was most busy with the balls the boys were luxuriating. OBST needs to rethink his bathing in dirty water strategy.

Ed and Oatie just lazed about in the shade.

Otis may be a little tired after he gorged on some dirt.

Thanks much, Sophie, my lovely pal to the North! Next time you visit we will have more of that wallymelon for you to snack on. And NO BOYS ALLOWED!

Enjoy the tail end of summer!

Growing Up

2011-08-22T05:41:00.000-05:00

Here's a video in which Ed reflects on growing up. He included scenes from his very damp burpday party interspersed with some memories from his first year. See if you can spot Ms. Sophie Brador and our friends Narra & Tuchuck and their foster bro Tucker.

(For the record, Ed would like to say that candy is as delicious as ever.)

Happy Burpday to Ed!

2011-08-21T07:25:00.002-05:00

A little over a year ago our friend Theo's Ape texted our ma ape a photo.

This dog was at the SPCA after being found wandering and no one came to claim him. One of the kennel staff thought she'd keep him but she didn't. And so he was alone and afraid at the shelter so our ma ape brought him home just for the weekend so he could not have to be in the big bad sheltered while he waited to get neutered and adopted. IT HAS BEEN A LONG WEEKEND! We made this for the little monster for his burpday.

If we are JUST getting to the terrible twos? Oh lord. Send help please.

Of Birthdays Major and Minor

2011-08-20T08:19:00.001-05:00

Edgrr has been blowing up our twitter telling everyone that it is his burpday when his burpday, in fact, is not until August 21st, Sunday. He is SO EXCITED because he's never gotten to have a burpday before. Fortunately we were able to ease him into it with a pre-Edgrr burpday celebration of our ape being one year closer to decrepitude. The ape made this peachy cake but it was so good she didn't have time to take pictures before it was nommed into oblivion.

We got her some things we KNEW she would love! Our beautiful smiling faces and, you can kind of see in this picture--RAIN! She needed it for her plants that GranNE planted for her and she gets so tired hauling the hose all over the yard for the waterings.

We did have some help in procuring the rain, however, from The Other Ape who got our ape these awesome waterproofs sandals! Surely that coaxed the rain out of hidings! And then ma ape, Theo's ape and The Other Ape went to a documentary called Rise of the Planet of the Apes! An chimpocracy, orangetangery and gorilla tactics is maybe just what this country needs!

We also did some funny stuffs for our ape. Wheeeee! Roly poly Potus.

Ed played with his Otis doll.

And then we opened our card from GranNE! She sent us some of the green stuff, surely to buy us party supplies for Ed's burpday! Thank you so much GranNE! The card said "You don't have that old person smell yet." Aw, it was nice of you to lie to the ma ape, GranNE!

Then we made our ape happy by doing hippo impressions and eating i screams.

Ed ate so fast all his pictures came out blurry.

Oscar's eyes crossed.

And Ethel ate ever so delicately.

And then our friend Theo's Ape gave our ape THIS! It is Wally as a Foo dog! She has always thought Wally looked like a Foo Dog! Foo Dogs are actually guardian lions and now we have Wally Foo to protect us from evil.

If this is how we celebrate a minor burpday like our Ma Ape's imagine the blow out we're gonna have for Ed's! Look out world!

ETA: We totally forget the BEST part! CHEESEBURGERS FOR JOE STAINS! The Other Ape brought us burgers for our regular Joe Stains remembrance!

Great Google-y Moogly!

2011-08-11T06:28:00.001-05:00

Otis the Potus here. This week I decided to check the little Doohickey McThing on our blog that tells us what searches people are performing in order to arrive at our blog. This was a terrible idea as it revealed to me what you naked apes are thinking. You are all awful, really the worst. Here is what I saw via this little window into your minds:

Rent a Dog

Rent? No you may own. Take this dog on the left, please.

Terrible mothers in history and Mommy Dearest

Looking for our ma ape, we see.

Wally lane.

Yes, we live on Wally Lane, though for some reason the pizzas I order to have delivered here never quite make it.

Everybody loves a big ass.

This is true. Junk, meet trunk.

Snow Wally.

We've got that.

Pooly Dogs

Is this what you're looking for? My brother in his bathing garb?

Identifying a mutt test

Trying to get smarter? OK, here's your test: Which dog is a handsome devil? (A: Trick question, handsome on the right, devil on the left.)

Another test: Which mutt is a lady? (Another trick question: Neither. My sissy is no lady!)

Crime against animality: Our ape was delighted that the first page this phrase leads you to is an article by Jacques Derrida, granddad of deconstruction. The second link was us. We're pretty sure this is what Mr. Derrida was referring to:

Mango ness

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Oh my. Coming to our blog looking for a pair of mangoes?

Or wondering how this handsome brindle boy displays his resemblance to Mango?

All right, all right. We know from your USUAL searches you are looking for that Mango-ness that none of us gentlemen here have. The Mango Ness:

All right, naked apes, there are your search results. Now you can get back to your googling of bottoms and sheppys in bikinis and what I know you were looking for.

Sunday Nostalgia

2011-08-07T09:45:00.000-05:00

We have been having some major league butt blowouts that involve waking our ape up in the middle of the night to take us outside. She was thrilled! So we've been deprived of our usual tasty noms by our cruel cruel ma ape who has made us a horrible gruel involving rice, yogurts, boiled meats, and pumpkins. Awful! So we would like to dedicate this post to the memory of ice cream past (like 4 days ago).

Frosty, tasty noms.

Ethel always acts like you are trying to poison her and looks at any food with suspicion.

Oscar has no reservations.

But, as you can see, he is the looks--not the brains--of this operation.

Ed snatches his screams so fast you cannot see it but you can see the teeny tiny tip of his tongue cleaning off the last molecules of scream from his furs.

And here he gives the side eye to anyone who comes near his scream drips.

Otis washes the dishes.

Um, that tongue can't be natural, right? Can they do tongue enhancements now? We will check it out as soon as we finish our investigation into whether Ed has butt implants. And also as soon as we are done with the dire rears disaster.

It has been too long!

2011-08-03T08:53:00.000-05:00

Our ape has been taking the dog days of summer too seriously and has been super duper lazy. We're sure you have missed us ever so much. We thought we'd post some movies we have made while she has been super duper lazy.

A Day in the Life of Edgrr (mostly involves harassing his siblings, getting dirty (literally and metaphorically), and needing a bath:

And here is Otis reacting to things with his head. In particular he listens to the dulcet tones of Mango seducing ladies via his YouTube videos.

I Scream for Norwood!

2011-07-18T16:42:00.000-05:00

Our friend Norwood's burpday was on Saturday, National Ice Cream Day was Sunday so we combined the event in one massive ice cream eating binge! Here is a little sampling.

Ed caught some of the drips so Ethel had to give him a little tongue bath.

The apes did some grillies!

Look at all this food! Maple/soy tempeh, red peppers, grilly kohlrabi, mango/jicama salad, tasties squashes, cherry chutney. And none for us just because we were producing massive amounts of natural gas!

Ma ape also made apple pie ice cream for the apes to eat after watching the World Cup because they really needed to refuel after all of that vigorous soccer watching.

Happy burpday Nordude! Stay cool!

Edgrr had a Little Lime: An Epic Adventure

2011-07-18T04:40:00.003-05:00

Shorter than The Lord of the Rings trilogy, no less thrilling.

Doin' the Itch and Scratch!

2011-07-16T00:06:00.001-05:00

I can't move so fast or so far because I hace a touch of the arfritis but I do love to cut a rug! Whenever I'm excited excited--when food is involved, when the ma ape comes home, when food is involved--I get down! Mostly involving shifting my weight back and forth and or prancing in circles or nodding my head. To celebrate the weekend I've decided to put together a little music video showing you the dance craze I hope to start--the Itch and Scratch! (With a nod to Rufus Thomas).

(I would like to dedicate this movie to my favorite dancing partner Mesa who also cuts a rug when she's waitin' for her dinner).

GET DOWN!

Freaky Friday

2011-07-15T06:41:00.001-05:00

Get down!

Otis, What Are You Doing?

2011-07-14T06:43:00.001-05:00

Otis loves to tend to the plants in the yard.

(GranNE's not gonna give you any more melon, bud!)

Morning Zoo with the Otie & Ed Show

2011-07-13T07:45:00.000-05:00

You might not realize it but Edgrr and Otis are pretty close pals. We call it the Otie and Ed Show! Every morning Ed helps Otie with his physical and mentals stimulations by playing stationary shark face (with optional humping). This is what it looks like close up:

A Learn-ed Fellow

2011-07-12T07:38:00.000-05:00

You might not realize that I, Otis T. Potus, am in fact quite a brainiac. I have decided to put together a series of videos about my extensive literary criticism. My first attempt:

Tuition for my course will be $5,239 per credit hour (or just send me some moo tubes.) Don't let your head explode from all the smartiness.

Summertime Chefs

2011-07-05T17:46:00.000-05:00

We would like to share with you some of our favorite summertime delicacies for the belly-cacies. Enjoy!

4th of Poo-ly!

2011-07-04T16:52:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th of July everyone! It is EDGRR B POOPACABRA'S first fourth of Poo-ly! We hope everyone is safe from those loud firecracky thingies that drive us batty. Wally HATED him some firecrackers but we're not so bothered by them. It helps that we are from one of six states that bans 'em (except in sanctioned displays). Hooray! What we DO like is BBQ, baby! And this year our ma ape went and got a GRILL! I had to show her how to do it right because corgis always know exactly how to do things and we are not shy about telling you.

To do grillings you have to get some charcoals. I approve!

Fire that sucker up!

Keep a respectful distance from the heats.

And be careful lest smoke gets in your eye.

Otis likes to show off his patriotism. Ahem.

As a Philthydelphian (or Philthydelphia adjacent) I like to show off my BRUDDERLY LOVE.

Um, sometimes I get carried way.

Otis helped direct the photo shoots. We also got some of those shish-ka-boobs! We love those raw zukes and peppers. It will make some EPIC gas laters!

Our ma ape needed a lot of supervision.

In fact all of us boys did a good job doing what boys do best--BOSSING and SUPERVISING and MAKING MORE MONEYS.

Ethel kept a respectful distance.

Even when the tuna steak was on the grill.

Our ape ate corns and barbecued seitan!

And red white and blue puddin with fruits.

We nommed on very patriotic wallymelon.

We pledge allegiance to the melon! (No photos of me as Land Shark does not give you any time for photos even if you're lucky enough to walk away with your fingers.)

All in all we had a great 4th of poo-ly! Lounging, eating, posting for photos, being AWESOME.

We have a winner!

2011-07-02T10:58:00.000-05:00

The paws-down winner of the Caption This contest was...GranNE for her last minute entry:

"Am I the only one who does any work around here?"

Congratulations GranNE, you win a you-pay-the-expenses trip to visit US! See you soon GranNE!

Caption this, please.

2011-06-30T14:45:00.000-05:00

Yes, Edgrr is on a pile of clothes waiting to be folded. We cannot say for certain what OBST is doing.

Short Answers to Stupid Questions

2011-06-28T19:04:00.000-05:00

In which Edgrr responds to the question "Do your corgipants need brushing?"

Rock a bye baby....

2011-06-27T06:03:00.001-05:00

Our ape has sleeping troubles so we do our best to help her relax and take a refreshing afternoon nap. Watch!

Terrible Mothers in History

2011-06-24T05:59:00.000-05:00

Oscar Bean Super Teen here to deliver a history lesson about the Worst Mothers In the World.

Medea, who killed her children to get revenge on their father Jason.

Mommy Dearest. She'd prefer you not use those wire hangers.

Gertrude, Hamlet's mama who killed his pops and got it on with his uncle all while Hamlet was going through his goth phase.

My ma ape (artist's rendering.) Wednesday was my burpday and she 1) sent away my GranNE who I love more than anything 2) forgot my burpday until 3 p.m. 3) did not bake me a cake 4) did not shower me with gifts.

This is one sad sheppy! The other dogs put together a short film for me. At least someone loves me.

Memories for GranNE

2011-06-23T09:24:00.000-05:00

We are certain that our GranNE is crying herself to sleep thinking about how much she is missing us. Ever so much! So we made a little video of all the things she is missing while she is away from us.

When GranNE came to town!

2011-06-22T13:14:00.001-05:00

Our GranNE came all the way from NE to visit us! It was the most awesome ever because she feeds us wallymelon and lets us play outside and tells me how sweet we are and how bossy Edgrr is! We followed her around like the Pied Piper of Woodsman Drive.

Our ma ape is super mean and made GranNE work in the yard like the whole time. She was very lucky that we helped her and we're pretty sure that she could not have done it without our heaping helping of help. See? So much help.

GranNE put down lots of mulch and planted lots of plants and even accidentally planted one pit boo. We will have to see how big he gets!

And our ma ape ordered 2 cubic yards of mulch to be dumped in our driveway. It did not help the driveway grow much so our GranNE helped us put it in the garden. And look--sheppy camouflage! (Otis is putting down roots back there!)

And GranNE helped us start a privacy hedge so that we don't bark at everything that walks by and so that mean kids don't taunt us through the fence.

Edgrr tried to help from the other side of the fence. He's just a baby and he doesn't know how to help like we do.

He mostly just lounged around while the rest of us work:

Look! GranNE gave us a smoke tree! Thanks GranNE! Since they legalized medicinal marijuana in Delaware this will come in handy!* (*Not that kind of smoke tree. -ed.)

Our GranNE did get a day long furlough to go to Philly to see some art and eat some ducks and stand by a goat.

She also met this unusual dog but she said we're way cuter.

GranNE also shared a lot of loves with us, even annoying Edgrr.

But we all know who her favorite is! I am a very anxious boy but I love my GranNE so very much.

In fact, Nebraska is having bad bad floods right now and their nuclear plants are flooded so I think she should just stay with me and be my full time GranNE Nanny. For her safety, not for me. Oh no, I am thinking only of her.

Come back soon GranNE! Next time you can just spend all your time loving on me instead of on all those plants!

Edgrr Goes Deep

2011-06-21T07:43:00.000-05:00

Philosophical commentary:

Little Monster

2011-06-17T09:59:00.000-05:00

Our Mac crashed while making this video so we cannot say what will happen to you when you watch it:

Please help.

.Foxy News

2011-06-13T20:23:00.000-05:00

This weekend we at sheppy news received a video of unknown origin leaked to us by anonymous sources that we are unable to name because they already have a reputation as a snitch (Edgrr.) The video contains adult material so be sure to watch it in slo-mo.

The Yawngressman has released the following statement:

I apologize I have hurt those who love me the most and I have let down the order of the gentlemen with ties. I promise to be more careful in the future and not raid the beer cooler around company. I will be going to rehab shortly. Please respect my privacy in this difficult time. (Will still be tweeting junk shots.)

Visitor from the North! (Better than Santa Claus!)

2011-06-13T10:26:00.001-05:00

Do you recognize that rug? It's ours. Do you recognize that dog? IT'S SOPHIE BRADOR!

We did not send her our rug. SHE CAME TO US! She is taking her ape on a North American adventure and she stopped in Deli Where to visit us!

Otis and Edgrr put on their best finery (ties!) and picked up S&S at her hotel. She rode in our car and didn't even complain when Ed barfed in the car!

Someone was kind of of ubernaughty and had to hang out in his crate.

But someone was kind of sweet on Miss Sophie and slept cheek to cheek with her.

And here we are waiting for Sophie's ape who is in the washroom. You can also see our buds Tuchuck, Narra, et. al's ape hanging out on the floor. Sometimes he wishes he was a dog, we think. We'd make him part of our pack for sure.

And here is Sophie's ape tickling Otis with her toes! He loved it! (She also fed him potatoes. He loved that too. But then she commented on his gas. Nobody loved his gas.) But one dog loved Sophie the MOST.

Ethel Jean, Girl Power Queen! I don't always like other girls but I loved Sophie! We hung out and ignored each other and were otherwise beautiful, wonderful girls. Not like those rambunctious boys. In fact you will notice that I have handed down the SHOUTY SHOUTY mantle to my brudder Ed because I am a MATURE LADY LIKE SOPHIE. (OK, a little shouty.)

We are both so beautiful you should probably not look at our pictures for too long lest you be blinded, like looking into the sun.

And some boys made fools of themselves panting over Sophie and were otherwise not befitting of their bowtie finery. (There is some embarrassing video that may be leaked to the media later).

But there was no humpery for the girls. We had scintillating conversation.

And we even chatted about that Doofus Tan Torkelson. (We can't WAIT for him to get a new brudder to pester).

Thanks for visiting us and have a great trip Sophie! (This is her wink to me. We're totally going to sneak out and go on a girls' road trip. First stop? Picking up Randi the Labnewf for more GRRRRRL POWER.)

Cheeseburgers for Joe!

2011-06-05T18:01:00.000-05:00

Needs no introduction:

For Joe

2011-06-01T06:14:00.000-05:00

Joe, we know you and Wally are expending a lot of energy humping all the big dogs. Don't forget to stop and have one of these.

Yup, a bacon double-cheeseburger pizza. Miss ya, big guy. We know your brudder is a Doofus but we're sure he'll look after your peoples.

Too Damn Exciting!

2011-05-31T08:56:00.001-05:00

We are sorry for our potty mouths but the month of June is going to be excitement central. First, one of our apes was gone this weekend and our ma ape is leaving this week for ANOTHER con-fur-ants. (We're starting to think this "work" stuff is a boondoggle.) She's going here:

THEN when ma ape gets back GRAN-NE IS COMING! GRAN-NE is coming! She will take a break from planting Otis buffets:

And...OMD...SOPHIE BRADOR IS COMING!!!!!!

AND..TODAY IS HER BURPDAY! She is having a mini-pawty up in Montreal but her visit is a perfect excuse for ANOTHER PAWTY! Prepare yourself for the pawty of the century DELA-WHERES!

(Photos courtesy of Sophie's blog and, presumably, her assistant.)

So, we made a movie to let our ape who was out of town this weekend know what we've been up to and to ~~warn~~ inform Sophie and GranNE what they should be prepared for, ie., non-stop funballs!

ETA: Oscar wanted us to note that his burpday is this month, too. WHATEVER DUDE, SOPHIE'S COMING!

A Mean Motherhubbard

2011-05-27T19:18:00.000-05:00

Next in our film series:

Would you like to take bets on when our ape tires of playing with iMovie? We would like to wager it is around the time she finishes the book chapter she's working on.

Fine Dining

2011-05-26T04:49:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday!

2011-05-25T06:20:00.000-05:00

For Mature Audiences Only

2011-05-24T18:52:00.000-05:00

Do you love romantic comedies?

For Your Consideration

2011-05-23T14:29:00.000-05:00

All other potential entries for the Oscar category of short film, please surrender now. We believe this film will capture the hearts of voters and surely take home the prize:

A New Medium

2011-05-22T17:33:00.000-05:00

Our ape has finally (while procrastinating writing) waded into iMovies and found it much easier than she feared. So we are making a teaser for great things to come.

You have been warned!

Silent Sunday Snacking

2011-05-15T18:45:00.000-05:00

Shrimp Aid: A Benefit for Edgrr

2011-05-11T18:42:00.000-05:00

We would like to raise awareness about a serious affliction that often remains in the shadows because of shame, sadness, and fear of the shrimp.

Remove children from the room for we are about to reveal scenes that will disgust, disturb, and horrify you:

Our poor brudder Edgrr is suffering horribly from Body Dysmorphic Disorder that prevents him from accurately perceiving his own body. Although he is a shrimp, he believes he is a 14 ton monster rather than a 14 lb menace. We are therefore hosting a fundraiser to help treat his condition. We believe the only thing that will cure him is to send him far far away from us (maybe here) and our apparently humpable bottoms. Will you help sponsor this beast and his long suffering sublings? Every penny helps. We will also accept wallymelons and ice creams to help treat our pain.

As you search for your plastic to generously donate to our cause please enjoy the tribute song the Pixies kindly wrote and performed to promote our cause:

A Day for Mudders!

2011-05-08T07:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was Ethel's day but today is for mudders! We would like to send extra celebration fun vibes to our GranNE who, you may not realize, is not just a GranNE but a Mudder too! She can do everything. Here is our GranNE at the Grand Canyon two weeks ago! She hiked the whole thing (and wrestled mountain lions and tigers and Arizona lawmakers and we're pretty sure she popped over to NV to make John Ensign resign from the Senate.)

Side note GranNE: we know you love to garden but you didn't need to dig that enormous hole!

We'd like to tell you about your GranNE and why we are saying thank you to her today!

She has a Green Thumb which has skipped a generation (ma ape=bungling gardener) but Otis, as you can see, is quite prolific. This is just moments before he tried to eat one of these bags! He also has pruned over half the hostas in the yard!

She also introduced our ape to corgis by letting her have one when she was just a pup!

Uh, yuh, thanks for that one GranNE.

GranNE also teaches us about Nebraska footballs (see Ethel's football? Apparently Edgrr didn't wash his jock strap--look at Ethel's stink face!)

And Oscar would like to give extra special goober covered love to his GranNE because he was not so nice to her but she was nice to him anyway and she taught him Dogas and now he loves her so much that he gets excited when he hears her on the Skype machine but he is very worried that she is so skinny that she can fit inside the MacBook.

Happy Mudder's Day GranNE! Visit us soon. We will be ever so good! And here is a song that Oscar picked out for you:

Ethel's Big Day (with Balls!)

2011-05-07T21:01:00.001-05:00

Today's a BOY FREE BLOG! Why? Because it is a BLOG FULL OF BURPDAY!

Guess who has got a BURPDAY? ETHEL JEAN, BIRTHDAY QUEEN!!

I started my day off with a bit of CORNISH HEN! And by a bit I mean A WHOLE ONE!

And then I got a bowling pin covered in tennis ball fuzz that SQUEAKS! Why cover a bowling pin in fuzz? WHO CARES? SQUEAK!

I ALSO got a soccer ball.

Oh I am a fan of any manner of balls.

Get up and DANCE!

Whoa, lil' too much celebrationation! Dizzy...

Back to regularly scheduled programming with the boys tomorrow IF I LET THEM! BIRTHDAY QUEEN!

Suitcase Sadness.

2011-04-12T06:10:00.000-05:00

The ape has gotten out the suitcase, started packing her things. That prompts many feelings.

Sadness.

Fear.

Reflection.

Walking upright.

Unmitigated rage.

Drunkenness.

More drunkenness.

Passed out drunkenness. Yes, she is leaving us for a con-fur-ence. BOO! We have been going through her luggage for clues.

WHERE IS SHE GOING?

MARCH MADNESS! (In April)

2011-04-06T19:16:00.000-05:00

Editors: We have agreed to let Edgrr blog lest he become insufferable trying to convince us to blog about this. We apologize in advance.

A site I read all the time to keep up with the ladynews, JEZEBEL, hosts MARCH MADNESS! Last year it was Cake v. Pie with Cheesecake winning for PIE in a CONTROVERSIAL victory (it's called a CAKE but it has a CRUST!). But this year it was CATS v. DOGS. Oh yes. I enthusiastically checked my bracket every every day.

And I followed the heartbreaking losses (pit boos defeated by Goldens--WTF? Mutts lose to Dachshunds?) But the final outcome was PERFECT!

And DO YOU SEE?? ONE DOG TO RULE THEM ALL! I know that I am enshouterating but this makes us kings of the WORLD!

Look! I collapsed after the big win and stopped moving for 5 seconds which is a record for me!

You can see why we are MOST AWESOME. I don't just own the toys I OWN THE BUCKET.

And you better believe THE APES ARE ALL MINE.

Ain't afraid of no pit boos!

Ain't afraid of no peppy sheppys!

And I might get knocked down.

But you better believe I get right back up and HUMP IT!

And Otis's girlfriend Mesa was kind enough to recognize my AWESOMENESS by sharing this!

To conclude:

(And just in time for the government shutdown! LOOK OUT! WE'RE TAKING OVER!)

About a Boy

2011-03-30T14:25:00.000-05:00

Ethel writes AGAIN! My brudders were quite mad that I got MY OWN BLOG POST with my OWN THEME SONG. So I promised them I would make a PHOTO ESSAY about my brudders along with their very own THEME SONG. Here it goes!

Ethel STILL ROOLS. Boys STILL DROOL (seriously, look at Oscar's froth!)

Ethel Speaks!

2011-03-27T09:06:00.001-05:00

If you are a regular reader if this blog you have probably noticed an annoying abundance of dude-itude. That's because these boys are attention hogs who like to MUG for the camera.

While I, a strong and independent woman, like to hang out by myself, usually at the top of the hill.

So I thought I'd put on some tunes and SMARTEN THIS BLOG UP with a little LADYTUDE.

STICKING MY TONGUE OUT at authority (and bratty brudders.)

Teaching Edgrr how to ROCK OUT, riot grrrl style.

Bonding with MY WUBBA.

And generally proving the maxim, anything boys can do GIRLS ARE DOING BETTER.

As evidence, I'm known as "the good one" IN SPITE of the fact that in the last few weeks I have figured out how to get out the back door and I escaped to find my ma ape AND I stole meats off the counter and ate until I got INDIGESTION in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. GRRRRRRRLS RULE! BOYS DROOOOOOOL.

Diet Plan TAKE TWO!

2011-03-25T19:37:00.002-05:00

There was a great deal of interest in my workout plan with some suspicion about why I employed a fitness model (Blu) to do the leaping. I would like to give some assurances that I am, in fact, quite a fit fellow even if my ma ape has to help me up and down the stairs from time to time. So here is more insight into the routine of a great athlete.

It involves a great deal of dietary discretion eating a regular diet of tasty meatables and bones with great vigor. I'm pretty I burn as many calories as I consume while I masticate on my bonables.

An athlete must also be well-hydrated. Here I am engaged in a drinking competition with my brudder.

And now I will show you that I can indeed jump.

Look at that air I can get!

I also lead group exercise sessions!

My profile can be quite misleading about the efficacy of my exercise program, distorted by my MASSIVE brain/head.

Look at this well whittled waist!

Indeed, the other day I was so cold because of my lack of body fat that I had to be wrapped in my lovely Strawberry Shortcake blanket (actually Ethel's, given by Grammie!) And then I had to let the little man get on top of me for warmth!

And now Oscar and Edgrr would like to share some of their Stringbean Skinny Secrets.

This is a cardio routine our ape refers to as EXERCISING HER PATIENCE!

To really get the effect of this make sure you crank up this song while also barking and growling and full volume.

JAM OUT!

Otis's Pit Boo Workout Routine

2011-03-18T20:12:00.000-05:00

This week The New York Times ran a story called Forget the Treadmill Get a Dog about how DOGS are the best workout partners EVAH. Much better than your fellow apes. I have decided to monetize this idea to pay for some more snacks by developing an extra magnificent workout routine that you can do at home for the low low price of $1.99, deposited directly into my account at the pet food store. Put on your legwarmers and headband and let's MOVE IT!

For these next moves I am going to recruit my friend and fitness model Blu from the Delaware SPCA. Aaaaaannnnddd...

JUMP!

Yes, Blu is trying to catch mulch!

For perspective, that fence is a good 7 feet tall.

And that ape getting the workout hurling the mulch is a good 6'3"

I totally could have done this maneuver but I thought I'd let Blu have his moment in the sun.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Now is a demonstration of how I get my heart racing for a little cardio.

Hey ladies! I get plenty of exercise in pursuit of love.

And now it is time for our cool down.

I recruited the little one for a demonstration of our cool down technique. ICE CREAMS! (Note how OBST is always lurking in the background.)

Slobber vigorously and swallow quickly to ensure total brain freeze, the appropriate end to a good cool down.

Did you enjoy this workout? Then send me some money so I can buy more ice creams!

Edgrr's Big Day

2011-03-12T13:40:00.024-05:00

I didn't want to steal the big man's burpday thunder this week but the truth is I had a big traveling adventure of my own! It was the greatest day ever! Maybe even better than when I mooched my way into my new house.

First, meet my new bestie! This is TUCKER! He's a "foster dog" who lives with my other real world besties. I use quotes because his foster dad is the worst foster dad ever because he has like a million foster dogs who never left. (OK, quite a few who have left). Though he did manage to get rid of OBST by giving him to us. That's how bad OBST was! He didn't even want him!

I played coy at first but Tucker and I did some pretty epic zoomies.

Epic for sure.

And then I met Tucker's sibbies Tuchunk, I mean Tuchuck on the left and Narra on the right. I liked her a lot because she's a familiar sheppy shape!

And then we all got in a van for a ride! Where are we going???? (Note: Tucker and I barfed 5 times between the two of us but that was not documented on film for some reason). Where was the barfmobile headed???

TO HERD SHEEPS!

Me and Narra (who is a total pro) and Tucker got to do herdings!

I was really cautious at first but got into it when I relaxed a bit.

My ape said she wishes I was this calm and methodical at home! Whatevs.

Tucker is totes a madman and was totally into it. And I wasn't too shabby for a little guy.

Look! They listen to me!!!!

The MIGHTY CORGI. (Someone sez I've been a bit big for my britches. WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?)

On the way home Tucker and I were sleepy (and still barfy) boos.

And now we're like total awesome herding friends. I can't wait to play again! I've been studying hard watching this documentary.

That'll Do Pig
Babe at MOVIECLIPS.com

And I should extend a big THANK YOU to my buddies over at Lucky Skies for taking me along with them even though I barfed. And especially thanks to their ape who had this PAWESOME idea and took us all in his big van.

Thank you evfurbody!

2011-03-11T16:37:00.001-05:00

Well, my burpday extravaganza is over and, I must say it was the best ever! Granted, it was my first burpday, but still, awesome.

I started things off with a little marrow bone appetizer. And then I followed it with a second course...(warning: a bit graphic):

7 POUNDS OF BEEF. In one of the greatest injustices of all time, I had to share it with the other dogs who were not having burpdays. Fair? No. But I am a benevolent Potus so I will let it slide. But things only got better from there. You see, you guys raised enough for me to take ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS to the SPCA for Miss Taboo to get better from her heartworms.

I love riding in the car, wind in my ears, free as a bird, wild at heart in my microvan.

Here's my STOKED face. As soon as I got to the SPCA a volunteer asked "Is that dog Capone?" which was my tuff guy name before I became Otis T. Potus. See, she knew me back in the day and insisted on hugging me and smothering me with love. Hey, lady, save some lovin' for everyone else! And then the staff came and hugged me and admired my incomparable handsomeness. And then...

Guess who's got that junk in the trunk??

TABOO! Look! SHE SWOONED AT THE SIGHT OF ME. It happens. Ladies, don't forget your smelling salts when meeting with the Potus.

We're both chill (and she's supposed to be taking it easy with the worms in her hearts) but she still was interested in playing just a bit.

Look, we have the same bent leg pittie walk!

And it might appear that I am leering like a dirty old man. It's just bad photography. I swear.

Definitely not a dirty old man.

I did a little Otis snuggle to help heal her heart. Thanks to everyone for giving me the best prezzie EVER. Well, I wish we could bring Taboo home but we don't have room (I suggested booting the noisy little one or maybe the screaming teenager. Apparently these are not options.)

THANKS to everyone! (But especially to Taboo. Get better, gal!)

One Day to Burpday!

2011-03-08T06:14:00.000-05:00

One more day to the Big Burpday! Oh no! Help us turn EVIL OTIS!

Into HAPPY OTIS! We are helping him celebrate by getting him THIS:

This is Taboo, a wee pittie mama at the Delaware SPCA. We can't really have her (no room at the inn) but we can sponsor her through her heartworm treatment so she will be well enough to find a new home. She's spent a lot of time at the SPCA just like Otis! So wish Otis happy burpday in the comments and we will donate $2 to Taboo! And Otis will get to deliver the money himself (he loves visiting his old digs--no really! He's weird!)

More Burpdays!

2011-03-07T06:24:00.001-05:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post (we didn't actually have anything scheduled, though we are regular) to bring you a special burpday from Edgrr.

Happy (day late) burpday to my fellow short legger Ernest Puppy who is FIVE YEARS YOUNG today! May you have all the pasta and squashes and other noms you can fit in your gob!

P.S. For your burpday we are sending you our ma ape (in a month or so). Please return her. If you wish to sneak into her luggage and move East that's cool too.

12 Things for 12 Years of Joe Stains!

2011-03-06T10:57:00.000-05:00

Today is both RANDAY and JOEDAY! It is Joe Stains's BURPDAY! And he is 12 years young today (Side note: olds rule, babies drool!) We gathered together 12 things Joe loves for his burpday.

Piles of Yankees!

Piles of bacon!

Piles of Steelers!

Oh hi, Sophie Brador!

Cheeses!

PB Sammiches!

Troy Polamalu's hair!

More Sophie!

Sunbathing (especially in the nude)

Mmmmm...pizzas.

Sidney Crosby (and the Pens)

Just Cuz!

Here's to a happy and healthy new year Joe! Have a great one from us! (Even if Ethel refused to be in a picture with the boys!)

Help us throw a surprise party!

2011-03-04T17:36:00.000-05:00

Shhhh...don't awaken the sleeping giant. We have a plan up our sleeve. Come closer.

Ooof! Too close. Maybe a little less close.

We have some BIG PLANS.

We're scheming using our big brains.

Because SOMEONE HAS A BURPDAY NEXT WEEK!

Yes! It is YOU, Mr Otis T. Potus who will be ONE! (Give or take a decade or so). He came home from the SPCA March 9, 2010. They took care of him for several months helping him through illness, infection, neglect, and some unfortunate post-neutering swelling. So we will give TWO DOLLARS (to start his second year with us) to the Delaware SPCA for EVERYONE who wishes our favorite Potus HAPPY BURPDAY and he will get to deliver it to them himself! Let's turn that toothy grin...

...INTO A BIG OLE OTIS HAPPYFACE!

Oscar's Night!

2011-02-27T18:27:00.001-05:00

My friends. I come to you with news most alarming.

It has set our young brother a'howlin'.

Even Ethel is quiet and contemplative.

We are wary and uncertain.

You see, we have heard that tonight is The Oscars.

The OscarS?

You mean to tell us there's MORE THAN ONE???

We are doomed for sure. Well, we will watch with great trepidation, though we can't WAIT to see what the corgis from The King's Speech are wearing.

Time for a BURPDAY!

2011-02-22T06:46:00.000-05:00

Today is Wally's burpday! So we are all giving our biggest smiles!

Because Wally's burpday means....

Cake for us!

Oh yes, for breakfast we had BEEFCAKE!

Here's what Wally would say about that.

MOAR CAKE! Everyone chow down on some beefcakes, wallymelons, and other tasty eatables! It's PARTY TIME!

Spring is here!

2011-02-02T08:02:00.005-05:00

I know. Many of you are under feets and feets of snow but the groundhog saw his shadow. Let the spring begin! (As a blast from the past, one time Ethel and Wally caught a groundhog! Wally's take. Ethel's take. As a warning to other groundhogs--don't screw up this spring thing!) As a reminder of the winter--WHICH IS NOW IN OUR PAST--here are some photos of us in the snows!

I have to show the baby and OBST how to survive in cold weather.

Step one: springs in the feets!

Step 2: Reach blazing fast speeds! (Sorry about the photo quality but I was moving SO FAST in the snows!)

Step 3: Keep your nose moist.

And your jowls moister:

Step 4: Do not let your brudder roll you in the snow.

Step 5: Beg to be let back inside to get back in the snuggle ball!

We try out eYewatch Friday!

2011-01-21T09:32:00.004-05:00

Our tweetie friend Norwood does this thing called eYewatch Friday and sometimes his cuzn Tula plays too! We decided to try it out! EDGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

And now Otis! Look at his right eye. Then his left.

WONK! It's wOnkeYewatch!

In the Darkroom

2011-01-14T12:52:00.005-05:00

OBST here to talk some SRS BSNS. This is about photo-graphy (and our ma ape's deficiencies.) You see, she is not a talented or learn-ed photo-grapher. The Other Ape is learn-ed and learn-ing (and has a fancy camera) and found a review of my FAVORITE KIND OF BOOK, a picture/photobook called In Almost Every Picture #9.

The book is about a family's photographs of their dog who happens to have black fur WHICH IS THE MOST AWESOME KIND OT HAVE but that makes him appear to the camera as a DARK BLOB.

Ma ape has a better camera but a similar problem with the blobitude!

My sissy has facial features--including a mouth she uses for BITING AND NAGGING me!--but you can't tell from this photo. You can make out an eye and a wubba floating around a DARK BLOB! It gets worse because our ma ape doesn't know nothin' about using light:

Note how the corgi's features, even though he's ITTY BITTY in BODY and BRAIN and even though he's far in the background, are perfectly clear! We sheppys? BLOBS! Blobs with barely perceptible eyes.

Edgrr snuggles with a BLOB.

I suppose this partly explains why black dogs EVEN DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME ONES LIKE ME have a hard time getting adopterated. We are dark, brooding, mysterious. Even though I have a wonderfully expressive face my ma ape can READ LIKE A BOOK (especially when I've been naughty and my face reads GUILT! or when my brudder gets attention and my face reads JELLY!) and my sissy has a big ole smile, we're inscrutable.

But we did find an exception to this BLOB rule:

Somehow, Wally's face was perfect for bouncing off the lights! (And blogger DOES NOT want to shrink this photo!).

We must learn to capture some of the Wally PHOTOMOJO so that we do not look like Otis, Edgrr and their FLOATING BLOBS OF DOOM!

Mutual of Omaha's Wild America

2011-01-13T18:28:00.001-05:00

Nature, red in tooth and claw.

For Otis's very different take on the snows, see below.

Is it Spring Yet?

2011-01-13T06:11:00.005-05:00

This is Otis T. Potus, the only dog without a double-layer coat. In the winters I get awfully chilly, especially as I have so little body fat insulation. And yesterday we had more snow! I need a winter home. At any rate, look how spooooooky it was in the morning! (Spookiest--that is probably our ape's smelly breath making that fog.)

And out in the yard, scary things....

Let me in! Let me in!

The baby got a tad frosty out in the snows.

So he put on his fancy pants new jacket, fleece on the inside, weatherproofy stuff on the outside. Not looking so tuffy there, bud.

He did not take my review of his sartorial choices well.

Now let's put on my Hawaiian shirt and head for warmer climes!